2008 thanksgivings

+I am thankful for 5 wonderful months of concluding my ministry in another country

+I am especially thankful for my relationships with Anya and Dasha, and sharing my heart and knowledge of God and the Bible with them

+I am thankful for nearly 16 months of a wonderful adventure with Trevor

+I am thankful I had the opportunity to travel to Hungary

+I am thankful I had the opportunity to return to Belarus in November and also spend time in Lithuania and Germany

+I am thankful that I have been able to donate blood again State-side

+I am thankful that I was able to celebrate Christmas this year with my family and many new wonderful people who will soon be called my family as well

+I am thankful for my Labor Day vacation in Washington, DC and Annapolis, MD with 3 wonderful people

+I am thankful I got to take Anya and Trevor to my favorite beach

+I am thankful for having had the chance to reconnect with many family members and friends far away, after long stretches of time apart - the Johnnies in Cincinnati, DC and Durham; Rachel; Jennifer; Joseph; Molly & Nate; Vita; Lauren & Eian; Robert; Andrei; the Belarusians; family in Alabama...

+I am thankful for friends who were married this year - 4 weddings which I was able to attend, and 6 weddings (2 Belarusian weddings) which I could not attend

+I am thankful for friends who welcomed little children into their lives this year, or who will soon! And of course, that their little ones are healthy and bringing joy to their parents.

+I am thankful for the excitement over engagements - my own and those of at least 2 of my dear friends

+I am especially thankful that the Lord has been faithful to sustain my family through much change, and fills us with joy and hope over the future

+I am very thankful for being healthy, and for my family and friends also being healthy

+I am thankful for a whole summer that I was given to serve Anya while she sojourned here in America

+I am thankful for my grandmother who is about to turn 98!

+I am thankful for my few, new friends in Kentucky

+I am thankful for old friends who are intentional to keep in touch with me

+I am thankful for friends who celebrated Advent with us, and for the Lord making our time sweet and meaningful

+I am thankful for work to pay my bills

+I am thankful for opportunities I have for photography, and sharing this hobby with others

+I am thankful for people who read and comment on my blog, people who care about me, who call me up and ask me how I'm doing. I especially am thankful for those who sent me mail and called me while I was still in Belarus. I am thankful for having felt loved.

+I am thankful for joy-filled surprises this past year

+I am thankful for my dog, Alyosha!

+I am thankful for the Lord's help and protection for my friends in other countries

+I am thankful for the generosity of others showered upon me this past year

+I am thankful for the roof over my head, the warm bed I have to sleep in (yay IKEA!), and food for the table

+I am thankful for all the travel I experienced, and that I was kept safe and secure through it all

+I am thankful for the wonderful music I've been able to enjoy live this year, mainly, Over the Rhine

+I am thankful for those who share my joy and excitement for my upcoming marriage, those who support me in this venture, for those who love Trevor just as they love me, and those who see God's goodness and plan in bringing us together

+I am thankful for every prayer that was prayed on my behalf and the people who prayed

+I am thankful for new experiences

+I am thankful for the churches I have enjoyed being a part of in Belarus and Kentucky. I am also thankful for the individuals who I can gather with every week for fellowship and Bible study.

+I am thankful for God giving me the blessing of being a part of the Kingdom come in Belarus and at home in the States

+I am thankful for Jesus and His love and mercy showered over me and granted to me day by day!

new year 09 already!?

I am sitting in an office working a fairly new job (this is still my first month), wondering how it is that December 31st is already here and 2009 upon us?!

Many years ago, I would make huge lists of resolutions. Later the list narrowed, then list categories were made, and eventually, the resolutions disappeared altogether, the practice abandoned.

I like to set goals, I think it's a good thing.
I like to reflect, too.
But resolutions just sort of became the be-all, end-all list of everything practical and impractical. And the result is usually just discouragement, or it just gets forgotten and never tackled.

When I was in Belarus in 2006, we rang in 2007 with prayer. I'd like to continue in that vein of thought and heart as well as practice.

I will end 2008 with a list of thanksgivings for this year. Will you join me?

I will then embark into 2009 with a list of things I anticipate, with perhaps a few more realistic goals that I invite accountability on to tackle!

amazing show, amazing venue.

Trevor + I caught Over the Rhine at a special performance after getting free tickets just for buying and waiting patiently for the delayed release of their Live from Nowhere album Volume Three. It was a small holiday gathering at the former St. Elizabeth's church in Norwood, Ohio. The inside of this church had the exposed brick, peeling walls, and breathtaking stained glass windows. It was funky and fun. They had belgian waffles and coffee brewing for the taking, were raising money for World Vision, and gave an awesome fun show. The place was so packed that Trevor and I ended up sitting in the center aisle of the church, about 15 feet from Karin Bergquist. This was the 5th time we've seen Over the Rhine which has become the semi official band of our relationship. We jump at the chance to take in their music. You feel a part of this wonderful music family... and it's lovely.

They are playing at Ram's Head in Annapolis on February 5th... if you're there, you must go. You won't be disappointed...

this woman is amazing.

I love Karin Bergquist's voice... and their lyrics are killer.

snow prints.

Alyosha and his momma walked side by side one early snowy morn at 6am... all was calm, all was quiet... and we were the first to disturb the blanket of snow. Peaceful winter...

BOO!

pumpkins - BOO!, originally uploaded by krisde.

Happy Halloween. :)

help, someone? (and no, i'm not bothering to ask obama or mccain)

the presidential election is one week away. pretty hard to believe. and i am becoming convinced that none of the political candidates for any party deserve my vote. i am unconvinced that any of them have the "kingdom values" that i have. so it becomes a decision of either aligning myself with a candidate with whom i dislike but dislike slightly less than the other candidates, or aligning myself with the only person to share my values, Jesus. if anyone has a convincing argument on why i should align myself and give my vote to another messed up human being who will, like every president before and to come, mess up our country and world more, feel free to share. i just feel like rebelling and not voting for unworthy candidates.
if it's about choosing the lesser of two evils, tell me, why even bother choosing an evil, albeit lesser? seriously now. i am on the fence about even voting in this election.
i'm also reading an interesting book, Jesus for President, which I am sure is not helping my undecided-voterness.

what iraqis are saying.

Leading up to the presidential election in 2004, I read a lot of various blogs about the war in Iraq. There was an American journalist who kept a blog as he followed around a squadron in Baghdad, there were the angry and angst-ridden Iraqis who produced diatribes day in and out on the political situation, and there were reasoned arguments (pro-America and con-America) and observations made by other Iraqi citizens. It was a big melting pot of those both informing and opining.

One blog I always came back to time and time again, Iraq the Model.

Recently, I've been revisiting their stuff. It's interesting to say the least, to read the opinions of Iraqis. Here's their latest installment.

Ordinary Radicals

Last night, I had the opportunity to view an interesting independent documentary film at the Kentucky Theater called The Ordinary Radicals.

It is unfortunate that they are giving so few viewings of this film, but if you have the chance to see it, I would highly recommend it. I felt that most of the people watching the film who heard about it were not necessarily the ones who should and needed to see this film. The ones who should see this film would be the professing Christians who would get a little disturbed or uncomfortable about the challenges inherent in the documentary's content, or the non-believers who have been put off by the church/Christianity in general or more specifically the hypocrisy therein (or even hypocrisy in me), or thirdly those who perhaps have just become disillusioned/disconnected with their own faith. (If you suspect I have you in mind as you read this, you're right - I do.) Yet for people who want to aspire to be such ordinary radicals and are trying to put their "hands to work and hearts to God," this film was also an encouragement and inspiration in its own right. (I speak personally.) This film, as the director said, would perhaps be a good film to watch alongside of the movie Religulous. I have not yet seen that film, but it appears that two non-Christians find two different angles of showing people of faith. The director posited, however, that his documentary was much more removed in a "google earth" kind of way, not pushing a certain idea, premise, or conclusion.

Some of the most compelling aspects of this project were that, 1, the people behind the film consist of a professing Roman Catholic, a professing Evangelical, and a non-believer. To see how they all dove into a vision for their community (the simple way in Philly/Kensington), together, and for becoming ordinary radicals is encouraging to me. 2, it is fascinating that the director, Jamie, is not a believer, yet feels completely at home with evangelicals and wanted to bring his experiences with them to the screen. This brought up many interesting questions for us both in the Q&A session with him as well as afterwards, at one of our favorite establishments, Common Grounds -- namely, if you take Christ out of this movement, would there be any difference? In the end we had a sort of "yes and no" kind of answer...

If you have thoughts on the role of social justice and caring for people body and soul and the role of the body of Christ, I'd love to hear them. If you have thoughts about this documentary if you've been able to see it, I'd also love to hear them. If you want to see the documentary but are unable to, let me know because I know some people who might be getting a copy you could watch.

Check out the website, linked above, and the trailer, HERE.

You can also check out the site for the book that forms a center to the whole film, Jesus For President, HERE.

forgetfulness?

I've been asked a few times by different folks if it is hard to drive now that I'm back from Belarus. My reply is usually, no, not really. But I have discovered I am a bit more forgetful and scatter-brained, which could make for poorer driving... I have been known to decide mentally to go one route while driving, then totally miss the street or ramp I was supposed to get on, only realizing it moments or even minutes later, thereby heading in the wrong direction and having to figure out a way to change my route. Or I have just been in one of those "head in the clouds" kind of fogs at other times. Perfect example was a few nights ago. I drive home, pick up Trevor from visitor parking, and we both come to my apartment building, park the car, we get out and go inside. Trevor later leaves in his car back at visitor parking, and I stay in for the night. The next morning I get in the car, while taking a call on my cell. I mentally think, wow, the sun is really bright this morning. My car is so light! So I think, I must have left the sun roof shade open to let the sunlight in through the window in my roof.... but after I hang up, I look up, and no... I had not left the shade open, I had left the sunroof window itself open! All freaking night. And when I got in my car, it was raining. Yes, my console and seats were starting to get wet. What is bizarre, to me, about this situation was that not only did *I* not notice in my head in the clouds kind of state the night before, but neither did Trevor... two of us, completely oblivious to the fact that I was leaving my sunroof open all night long. I just wonder if this forgetfulness, unobservant nature of late has anything to do with my culture adjustments? Or am I just growing forgetful with age? (I am, after all, way past the quarter of a century mark) Hmm.

doctrine / relationship

"I think God gives us our doctrine [our ideas about God] to see if theology will take the place of relationships with people."

"'Anything you can believe, I can believe better' is the mentality we get into."
-Trevor Durbin

Trevor + I talked about community on one of our recent long drives together. I jotted down these comments he spoke because they resonated with me as profound truth. The reason divisions exist in the church is the belief that one church has doctrine and practice "right" and another "wrong." Or perhaps, one place has it "good" but another church has it "better." We may all admit that we have brothers and sisters in Christ outside of our denomination, but there's a reason we've chosen the church home we have. Do we subconsciously pass judgment on anyone else - another brother or sister - in a different church? I know it doesn't always happen, but I think it can definitely be there. Do we leave room for the preferences of others or do we claim that a difference of opinion (on such "non essential" matters) actually becomes essential, needing to be identical to our own? This can apply to doctrinal beliefs or practice of faith, worship services or music or...

Then the bigger question: what happens to our relationships with other people? Will we show them love and acceptance, and as Justin McRoberts has sung "meet [them] at the cross"? Or will we isolate them from ourselves and "our" community (whether physically or just mentally separating them from ourselves), forgetting that we are also flawed?

Thoughts?

Godfather.

In our string of movie watches, we've recently watched Rebel Without a Cause, The Maltese Falcon, The Godfather, and The Godfather, Part II.

Now, I hear Part III of The Godfather is not worth watching, so I'm not necessarily going to rent it unless someone would recommend it. As for the first two Godfather movies, both were very good and yet excessively long. It appeared to me that the first was more of a traditional, gunning down kind of Mafia flick, whereas the second was much more vindictive, insidious, two-faced kind of conflict. We always spotted when oranges would pop up in the movie, knowing that shortly after someone was going to die. (I was unaware of this connection before Trevor mentioned it... they appear A LOT in the second movie.)

We had an interesting discussion after Rebel, wondering, why is he without a cause? To me, he seemed to be the only character without an agenda, he was just having to react to his surroundings.

We have The Grapes of Wrath on hand... I'm hoping the movie is better than the book... I had to read that book twice and the first time, as an 8th grader, was painful enough to sort of scar me for a while from reading any more Steinbeck. I have subsequently read Of Mice and Men, and I hear that East of Eden is good, but it hasn't exactly topped my must-read list...

lessons in seeing.

lessons in seeing., originally uploaded by krisde.

i've been enjoying playing with blurring shots intentionally.

i've also been enjoying a new photographic subject -- other photographers. I like to watch others at work for a shot, to see how they see things, what grabs their eye... and inevitably my eye is grabbed by the one behind the lens... ((it also helps when the one behind the lens is your fiance...))

this shot is perhaps my favorite from my labor day trip to DC - the intentional blur, the silhouette of the photographer, shot at night before a brightly lit edifice of brick and mortar towering over corrupt politicians and innocent children at play alike...

red glow.

red glow., originally uploaded by krisde.

@ the washington monument in DC at dusk.

splash.

, originally uploaded by krisde.

check out photos from the national botanical gardens over at my flickr page!

falling.

, originally uploaded by krisde.

bright orange.

, originally uploaded by krisde.

I added Sapporo (Japanese) and Tsingtao (Chinese) to my current beer collection in the fridge... (thanks to an Asian Fusion cooking club last weekened!) This totals 8 different kinds of beer at the moment... My only problem is which to drink first!

new life.

newness, seen wide., originally uploaded by krisde.

a day at Shaker Village.

blossoms of leaves.

blossoms of leaves., originally uploaded by krisde.

a day at Red River Gorge.

movie update. reflections on life in the wild vs society

my quick movie update.

the newest have included:
It Happened One Night - this one I found to be hilarious. A different kind of humor being a movie made decades ago, but very enjoyable.
Sunset Boulevard - a second viewing, a bit Citizen-Kane-ish mixed with Dickens.

I also watched for the first time Into the Wild. Now that is one incredible movie. Depressing and beautiful at the same time. Cinematography... amazing. I highly recommend it... a good movie to think about the lure of a simple life, away from society and all its ugly trappings of competition, money, materialism, consumerism, corporate ladder climbing, bureaucracy, image, familial expectations, and gluttony of everything cheap and worthless...
This simple life is found in solitude, simplicity, and being in the wild of nature...

and yet it's incomplete. The need for community is still there... man is not meant to be alone.

My goal is to live a life in community with others, to enjoy the shared experiences, while boycotting everything ugly that is (occasionally or often, I suppose it depends on your perspective and experience) found in society - the love of money, little regard for the effect our choices have on our world, and little regard for the fragility of the human soul... there needs to be more simplicity, communality, gentleness and love...

I watched this movie with a few friends, two of whom up my hippie cred by their presence around me... and a week ago, we built a compost bin for their yard together. Community + Earth Consciousness + Holy Spirit = Doing Good Things Together with the Love of Christ. YEA!

fridge o beer.

I opened my fridge today wondering what I could have for dinner. I was limited based on what was available.... milk, eggs, bread, jellies, butter, ... I settled on french toast... a childhood fav. It was then I realized as I glanced in my fridge, that while foodstuffs were sparse, it was the fridge o plenty when it came to alcohol...

My stockpile at this moment includes:
Rolling Rock
Corona Light
Shiner Bock (my favorite)
Yuengling (thank you Trader Joe's in NC!)
Hoegaarden (thanks Michael & Rebekah!)
Boddingtons

I have Mexico, Belgium, St Louis, Pennsylvania, Britain, and Texas represented in my selections. (I also have bottles of the non-alcholic Ale 8-1, a local favorite.)

In addition, I have 6 bottles of wine, 5 of them the "3 buck Chucks" (Charles Shaw) recently purchased at Trader Joe's in NC. Mmm.

Why KY does not have Trader Joe's is beyond me.
Why KY does not import Yuengling, apparently a strictly east coast beer, is also disappointing.
(Why KY also does not import the most amazing ROOT beer, Henry Weinhard's, is also a major letdown in my life.)

I swear I'm not an alcoholic even if it does run in my family... I just love beer. As much as I love Americanos...

So who is coming over to drink with me? :)

striking the sky.

striking the sky., originally uploaded by krisde.

Old Soviet War Monument.

+++

There are more pictures on my flickr now from this spring in Belarus... I'm slowly catching up to the present and have several hundred photos from the summer I'll be uploading... so keep checking back!

independence prospect.

independence prospect., originally uploaded by krisde.

Independence day: July 3, 2008. Downtown in Minsk, Belarus.

little window lights.

little window lights., originally uploaded by krisde.

Belarus, spring 2008.

comings and goings.

My dear friend Anya from Belarus left yesterday and Lord-willing arrived safely in Kiev, Ukraine about 2 hours ago. We had such a wonderful summer together. I took her to some neat places, most in Kentucky, which included the following highlights... (I recommend checking out every place listed below if you find yourself in the area!)

-The Historic Kentucky Theatre
-The Lexington Farmer's Market
-Shakertown
-Poor Richard's
-Keeneland
-Red River Gorge and Natural Bridge
-Miguel's at the Gorge
-Laurel Lake
-Natasha's Cafe
-Common Grounds
-Alfalfa's
-Henderson State Park in Destin, FL
-The Track in Destin
-Fudpucker's in Destin
-Costa's BBQ in Birmingham, AL
-The Jam House in Scottsville, KY (owned by Mennonites, so they're not on the internet)

As for our movie list, here are the newest additions:

-Lawrence of Arabia
-To Kill a Mockingbird
-The Philadelphia Story (seen in the Historic KY theater!)
-The Graduate
-Singin' in the Rain

I can recommend them all... the cinematography of LoA was amazing... fascinating story.

My apartment is quiet and a bit lonely now without her. I tried to explain to Alyosha that Anya left but he gave me a blank sad puppy dog look of incomprehension...

my ipod is dead.

After traveling with me for 2 solid years all over Eastern Europe, my refurbished by hp 20GB Apple iPod has finally called it quits... It was at least considerate to wait until after I got back from Belarus to die!

Of course now if I want to buy an iPod, I pretty much can't get one WITHOUT video or over 80GB and lots of snazzy things that frankly I don't care about... and I certainly can't avoid paying over 100 or 200 dollars.... yikes! Sometimes it's frustrating when you don't actually *want* the newer technology but are forced to take it and *pay* for it.

Same business marketing conspiracy exists in the food world. I found myself eating at restaurants a lot this summer. And in America, each portion in every restaurant, whether it be a nice sit down place or the local KFC, gives you TONS of food... way more than my stomach can handle at a time. My realization was this: by giving bigger portions they can charge you more for them. So even if you don't *want* that much food, you are forced to pay for it anyway... and then by proxy, you either eat it all and buy into the American way of life of overeating and overabundance, or you waste it which is pretty normal also in the American way of thinking and life, or you try to take it as leftovers, which half the time doesn't work out well... (some things just *don't* reheat well.)

The best solutions I've come up with are either
1) Share a meal with someone else!
or
2) Stop eating out and start cooking more!

I hope to be doing more of #1 but mostly focus on #2.

hunter woman.

ok, fess up... who bought me the subscription to "Field & Stream???"

Seriously, now.

I got an issue in the mail last month. Thought it was some one-time promotional thing. Nope. Another issue arrived today. Apparently I have a subscription through June 2009.

Funny thing is... I like the outdoors... and Field & Stream is "the world's leading outdoor magazine"... BUT... I am neither a hunter nor a fisher. I've shot a gun, um, once in my life. This is the closest I've come to fishing.

So bizarre is what it amounts to. Guess you'll find me reading about the essential classics that every outdoors(wo)man needs.... a marble safety AXE!!! WOOO!!!

AFI Top 100

A few summers ago, Lauren and I started to tackle AFI's Top 100 movies. We used this list from 1998 and were starting to take a chunk of it. We took in movies like:
-Goodfellas
-All About Eve
-Annie Hall
-The Godfather
-Taxi Driver

Now, several years later, my Belarusian friend Anya was eager to watch classic American films... so I have now picked up the AFI Top 100 list and we are tackling many of them thanks to an unlimited monthly rental subscription through the mail. I'll be keeping track of the new movies in the sidebar. So far, we have watched:

-Psycho
-Midnight Cowboy
-Tootsie
-Chinatown
-North by Northwest
-Casablanca
-Citizen Kane
-Some Like It Hot
-Bonnie and Clyde
-The Wizard of Oz
-Doctor Zhivago

I'm also hoping to hit the ones that made the revised 2007 list.

Anyone have favorites on the list? Favorites *not* on the list? Leave it in the comments!

spring?

narcissus., originally uploaded by krisde.

You know it’s spring in Minsk when…

The lighting outside at 8pm is like what it was at 3pm in January

You’ve seen more sun in the past week then you have since the new year

You no longer need a winter coat and boots, and actually find yourself occasionally too hot wearing your autumn coat

You see the old ladies on street corners with buckets full of daffodils for sale

You have the once again unpleasant experience of being on buses and the metro and remembering (as in, via your nose) that most people in this country don’t use deodorant

Your roommate starts bicycling on the weekends

You see more baby strollers and dogs on leashes on an average day than you have the entire year

In one day you kill two spiders and two wasps, more insects than you usually would see in a week or even a month’s time

You look out your kitchen window and the predominant color is no longer gray, but more of a gray-green thanks to the vegetation and blooming trees

Everyone and their mom seems to be going to McDonalds to get ice cream, so much so that their ice cream machine inevitably breaks. Besides that, restaurants start setting up tables outside

silent side by side.

silent side by side., originally uploaded by krisde.

victory square monument in background.

lights at the bus stop.

lights at the bus stop., originally uploaded by krisde.

shot during a nice late night walk downtown with friends.

Bus stop is by the colorful circus.

BY

BY, originally uploaded by krisde.

there was snow again in late March. It's still hanging around.

discontent, partaking of the divine.

Contentment. It is still an elusive concept to me at times. One I have always had a hard time embracing… because so often I felt a discontent in my life that was not about food or clothing and yet Paul’s words were the oft-quoted solution, but my soul was never salved. I came to believe that there could be a permissible discontent in my life, but defining it or explaining why I felt it was okay at times to be discontent to others proved to be difficult. I often felt alone in my discontent, feeling like a failure for letting feelings and desires for change in my life “drive away” a “Godly contentment,” feeling like maybe I was in the end wrong and discontent could never have a healthy output. I felt like contentment equaled resignation. No one ever disabused me of this notion, never seemed to make an intelligible distinction between the two. I thought of Kierkegaard, and his Knight of Infinite Resignation, contrasted with his Knight of Faith… I didn’t want to be resigned. I wanted to have unfathomable, crazy faith. The faith that saw the impossibility of a thing, but went on believing unquestionably, unhesitatingly, in its definite fulfillment. So it was in an apropos moment that I continued my previous reading on contentment and came across this:

I wish I could end our discussion of contentment on this high note. But as you have probably already realized, contentment has certain difficulties. The great problem with a principle of contentment is its tendency to baptize the status quo, to give religious sanction to present conditions. It is the kind of counsel that the powerful enjoy giving to the poor and defenseless. Often it is the very spirit of discontent that has prompted wonderful changes for good. There is a kind of holy restlessness that inspires important social advances. And so we are faced with the practical issue of knowing when our disquiet stems from a God-given concern to improve conditions, and when it is the result of self-serving greed. There are, of course, no foolproof answers, but I share the following guidelines in the hope that they may at least turn us in the right direction.
First, we can share the concern with other brothers and sisters whose discernment we respect. Second, if our restlessness has its root in anguish over the plight of those whose condition is clearly desperate most likely it is of the Lord. Third, if the concern involves the well-being of our children, it is often right. Fourth, if we are wanting to improve our own state, we should not automatically assume that it is wrong. Fifth, let us consider if our discontent has its source in a lack of inward peace with Christ. Sixth, we need to learn to distinguish a genuine psychological need, such as cheerful surroundings, from an obsession. Seventh, we must grow in our discernment between desires that spring from Heavenly Love and those arising from the love of money. Eighth, by an act of the will we must still every motion that is centered in greed.

When I read Foster’s words, I felt understood, and even better, that someone had put my fledgling feelings to proper words and fuller, richer explanation. He showed me why it was I felt discontent, and how it could be not merely okay, but a good thing. What resulted was a feeling immense relief and thankfulness. I hope that my discontent may help to motivate me and bring about the changes that are for good. May we also ask for this divine discontent, a deep restlessness, so that we may find ourselves fighting the good fight in fullness of faith, reckless though it may even be or seem!

This concludes my posts on Foster’s book. I’ll check back in the comments, so feel free to continue discussion there, or shoot me an email… because I certainly enjoy the conversations.

on contentment.

One of the most profound effects of inward simplicity is the rise of an amazing spirit of contentment… To live in contentment means we can opt out of the status race and the maddening pace that is its necessary partner. We can shout "No!" to the insanity which chants, "More, more, more!" We can rest contented in the gracious provision of God… Think of the misery that comes into our lives by our restless gnawing greed. We plunge ourselves into enormous debt and then take two and three jobs to stay afloat. We uproot our families with unnecessary moves just so we can have a more prestigious house. We grasp and grab and never have enough. And most destructive of all, our flashy cars and sports spectaculars and backyard pools have a way of crowding out much interest in civil rights or inner city poverty or the starved masses of India. Greed has a way of severing the cords of compassion… But we do not need to be imprisoned to avarice. We can be ushered into a life of peace and serenity. With Paul we can say, "If we have food and clothing, with these we shall be content." (1 Tim 6:8)

Contentment. An elusive concept for me. An elusive concept for the mentality of most Americans. Everyone wants to climb the ladder. Move into a better home, a better job, with a better income. But me? I’m not climbing. I reckon when I return to the States, I still may never start that ascent to the Elysian fields of coveted careers and professional prosperity. I suspect such bliss would elude just as it deludes. Yet what strikes me about this piece on contentment is the connection Foster makes between it and compassion. If we are never content in our own status and standard of living, how can we genuinely think of others? Doesn’t our own discontent, resulting in reaching and grasping in greed, numb us to the harsh realities that others face outside of our “Lexus cages”? Having our thoughts consumed with consumerism, our hearts grow cold to the heat others are facing. If consumerism eats us alive, it does so by only making us our own enemy through self-absorption and never-ending selfishness.
Contentment as an expression of inward simplicity, ushering in a beautiful serenity, is what I’d like to reach and grasp for. I would even be greedy for simplicity in my heart if I could be so, if only to increase the distance between me and the possible collapse and numbing of all compassion and tenderheartedness… without which, how can I be human?

lessons from the Old impart vision for life after the New.

“The lessons of the manna were clear: trust God implicitly, no hoarding permitted, and – most pointed of all – no greed allowed. There were to be equal portions for all. The reason for equal portions is so practical: it eliminates the occasion for covetousness, jealousy, and division. And it is this principle of equality that Paul stresses so vigorously. What should the principle mean for us today? Inequity in the Christian fellowship is so blatant as to need no demonstration. Millions of our Christian brothers and sisters in Asia, Africa, and Latin America barely escape starvation – many do not escape – not to mention their lack of health care and education. Dare we sit back in our comfort and ease, debating the color of our padded pews, while this scandal exists? No, of course we must do something. But the real difficulty is exactly how to respond to the problem… For those who do not feel total divestiture is right for them, I offer three suggestions. First, we could establish as a budget policy a goal of giving as much to others as we spend on ourselves… Second, we could develop an ongoing relationship with an economically poor church… Third, we could set aside one special year as a Jubilee, in which we try to give all we possibly can to a particular work.”

Equality. Commonality. Again, we return to our theme of shared life. Foster suggests, dreams, sends out a clarion call for shared life beyond our home, beyond our closest friends and families, beyond our small groups and churches, beyond our countries… He speaks of bringing equality and shared life with those around this globe.
I remember being in a seminar on the New Testament in college. One student, an atheist, stated that he didn’t see anyone he knew following Jesus’ call to give up everything he owned to follow Him, the call Jesus made to one rich young ruler. He suggested that if he ever DID see a professed Christian doing this, giving up all their possessions, all their money, everything… to follow Jesus…. he might start to believe. Of course I can’t address this person’s heart or evaluate the truthfulness or likelihood of his claim. And of course we can talk about the danger of extremes, but I tend to want to push the envelope… Foster suggests it may indeed be God’s call on a few to live a life of poverty. That perhaps some churches might decide on total divestiture. But perhaps that is not the call of everyone. I am not sure that the followers of Jesus we see throughout the New Testament all lived lives of poverty, or truly did as that young ruler was asked to do, to give up everything they owned… all their riches, all their possessions, their entire livelihood. But isn’t it interesting that we want to justify our decisions rather than consider the possibilities that maybe we need to be a little more “extreme” in our following of Christ? When this classmate of mine made this statement, he was sitting nearby to myself. It was unmistakable to me that he looked in my direction, curious perhaps if I would say something as a response. (Everyone knew I was a believer.)
But I couldn’t. I had nothing to say. Because I thought, maybe he’s right. Maybe he has a point. Maybe believers are not giving up what we should give up. Maybe we are not living the lives we should live. It may not be poverty we are called to, a Franciscan-like life. But perhaps I have been too content with the status quo. Perhaps the entire Christian world has been too content with our wealth, our buildings, our stuff, our things. Perhaps “things” have dulled our hearts and minds.
So let’s consider, how to awaken to the extreme call for shared life, sacrifice, community spanning across borders and oceans… How can we live in a way, corporately, to share with our brothers and sisters in this world? Foster gives a few suggestions, which I find interesting. Because the problem is not in the fact of an inequality in earnings/money/income. The problem is the stewardship of those earnings.

naming.

"In our concern for simplicity of speech, I would also like to raise the matter of the naming of our [church buildings/fellowship groups]... I know that naming is a way of describing the distinctive emphasis of a group, but I am concerned that we do not claim more than we can possibly deliver. The usual pattern in the Scripture is to give a new name to someone after his or her transformation has occurred."

There’s that bit in Revelation that talks about being given a new name on a white stone. Perhaps because only in the new heaven and earth will our own transformations be complete. In addition, because only God knows us, inside and out, surely better than our parents did when they named us after only having met us! The names God gives would be weighty, like a stone, because these names would reflect the summation of His knowledge of us.
Why is naming so significant, especially in the Scripture? Do you feel defined by your own name? I have come to enjoy my name very much. I like how it is spelled, I like what it means. (I was always hoping there was some grand significance to why my parents chose my particular name… but ended up disappointed in learning such was not the case.)
Look at the church around the world – replete with different names. Communities identify themselves with some “idea” or “group” or even “person”… why? Because they want to be associated with that idea or group or person. It’s a witness, an identification, even a level of conformity. But what if they name it out of a desire to be associated with that good thing, but then fail to be that good thing? Or if the group or person they associated themselves with fails to live up to their expectations, tainting their own name?
Let’s consider these questions through the example of marriage. The wife traditionally takes on the family name of her husband. What does this mean? Sure, there is this association for the society to know that these two people are married, they live together, they are committed to each other, etc. It’s an external witness, yes. But isn’t it also internal? More specifically, isn’t there an internal transformation in each person? Isn’t the wife saying that the name she is taking on is a name worthy to take? One that is respected, honored by others, a word that when heard brings the quality and character of its owner to one’s mind. But there is trust… the wife has to trust the man bearing that name. That he would have a good reputation, that others would have praiseworthy things to say about the man who bears it, and that these things although only shadows would accurately reflect the substance of her husband. This trust, this relinquishing of one identity for another, is an internal movement just as it is an external one.
To take a name on oneself, there should be also a striving to not tarnish that name, but to only bring more honor and respect to the family by one’s conduct and character. The husband must likewise trust the wife to be able to bring honor and respect to his name. (I’m thinking of Proverbs 31 here.) He likewise must know her character, her substance, to be able to want her to be identified so closely with him and be a part of his family. (What constitutes the respect and the honor is another discussion; for me I would say, respect and honor stems from living a life that brings glory to God.)
I know nowadays reputation, heritage, and honor are somewhat foreign concepts, and my thoughts may seem antiquated and irrelevant. But I feel there is significance to names and the process of naming. Foster thinks so too. The naming of a community, a church, must be done carefully… and as he said, only after one knows the quality of that community, what God does in and through that community…. Just like a woman only will take on the name of a man after she knows something about the quality of that name and the person with that name.
So where is simplicity in all of this? I think we find the simplicity in stripping away all the trappings of labels, some which may be inaccurate and complete misrepresentations, devoid of meaning or substance, unreflective of one’s true nature. Taking on a name is about knowledge; let our priority be in knowing ourselves, as individuals and communities, which necessitates knowing our Creator. We let God speak His words, and let the process of naming come from Him, rest on Him, and not on our innovation or desires to be, or appear to be, something we are not yet, never will be, or never should be.

sharing life.

"While individual effort is good, it is always limited. There are things that we can do together that we cannot possibly do alone. God has so arranged human life that we are dependent upon one another to come into all that he desires of us. We need each other’s help in order to know how to love God. We need each other’s help in order to know how to love our neighbor. Lone Ranger Christianity is a contradiction in terms."

Here Foster affirms what I expounded on in my previous post: people are made to increase our capacity to love God. We are in need of people. God gave community for a reason. The community is a good thing, a purposeful thing…. And part of this purpose for each of us individually involves doing life together with others. We are meant to meet each other’s needs – financial, material, emotional, spiritual, physical. We are meant to have things in common, for the sake of others and oneself. Commonality, or sharing, is a way of living in generosity and love, while also keeping our own grasp of “things” from being too tight lest we forget the “things” are never ours; we are stewards. These things don’t go with us beyond the grave, so why give them greater significance, like that we’d give of a living being? We share life because it is a gift, as are the people we share it with, and in sharing we affirm in them, “yes, you are valued, valued enough to impact and shape my life.” We share life because Jesus shared his. He shared meals, he shared his talents, he shared his wisdom and understanding, he shared time, he shared experiences, he shared in others’ agonies, he shared the life that is given through his blood. He’s sharing eternity with us. (Why is it so hard for us to share the mere temporal with one another?)

balance through fasting.

Fasting helps to give us balance. It makes us more keenly sensitive to the whole of life, so that we do not become obsessed with our consumer mentality. It is something of an inner alarm to help us hold our priorities straight, to give us a sense of spiritual sensitivity… For example, there is a great need today to learn to fast from people. Most of us have a tendency to devour others, and usually we get severe heartburn from it. I suggest that we experience times of fasting from people not because we are antisocial, but precisely because we love people intently and when we are with them we want to be able to do them good, and not harm. Thomas Merton said, “It is in deep solitude that I find the gentleness with which I can truly love my brothers… Solitude and silence teach me to love my brothers for what they are, not what they say.”

How often I find myself in this consumer mentality around people! I want people to talk to, to empathize, or to validate me, make me feel significant, or to give me love, affection…. I want I want I want. What good is this for me or the other person if this is all that drives me? There is wisdom here for me, who often turns to people as a crutch. Fasting gives balance and increases significance. After fasting, the food abstained from is sweeter, more delicious. The contrast of the lack heightens the pleasure. The lack also reveals the weaknesses, the places that need healing or growth that have been hidden by a filling of something….be it with food, entertainment, pleasure, feelings, distractions, or for me, with people.
I love the Merton quote here. We love one another for each of us is made in the image of God. We love one another for each other’s uniqueness. For each other’s beauty. For each other’s hearts and minds. For the reflection they give us of Christ. This is what man is. We love one another for increasing our capacity to love God, to love the good and the true and beautiful… an increase that must flow from more than mere words. What do the words “I love you” mean if they are separated from the quiddity of the person saying them, or the quintessence of love qua love? They disperse into thin air, dead, without the what-ness. The love of Christ is a what-ness. It is an action, a sacrifice, and it holds for eternity.

"thingification."

"Christian simplicity demands that we break free of this “thingification.” But how do we do it? Here are some suggestions…
First, join the joyful happy revolt against the modern propaganda machine…
Second, I propose an exercise which many have found liberating. When you decide that it is right for you to purchase a particular item, see if God will not bring it to you without your having to buy it… The point is not that [we are] unable to buy [something]; [we] could have done that quite easily. But [we] want to learn how to pray in ways that might release money for other purposes… Once a decision is made to secure a particular item, hold it before God in prayer for perhaps a week. If it comes, bless God; if not, reevaluate your need for it; and if you still feel that you should have it, go ahead and purchase the item. One clear advantage to this approach is that it effectively ends all impulse buying. It gives time for reflection so that God can teach us if the desire is unnecessary. Another obvious benefit is the way in which it integrates the life of devotion with the life of service. The supply of our material needs becomes an exciting venture of faith…. One small counsel: it is probably wise to give the money you would have spent on the object to the poor in order to avoid the slightest thought of this as a means of material gain…
Third, stress the quality of life above the quantity of life…
Fourth, make recreation healthy, happy, and gadget-free…
Fifth, learn to eat sensibly and sensitively…
Sixth, know the difference between significant travel and self-indulgent travel…
Seventh, buy things for their usefulness rather than their status…
One final word needs to be said. Simplicity does not necessarily mean cheapness. Simplicity resonates more easily with concerns for durability, usability, and beauty."

I love this section. Foster gives lots of great, practical advice for breaking free of “thingification.” For me personally, my attention was caught most by his second and sixth points. The second was intriguing because I think Americans generally would never think this way. We are, as a culture, impulse buyers. Everything is, literally, just about a mouse click away. Wanting to buy a new CD? A new book? A new pair of shoes? A car? Drive down the road to the closest mall that’s only 0.2 miles away or hop online to your favorite online dealer. Really… there is no waiting in our culture. Here is where Belarus is different: when I don’t have something I want or even need, I sometimes just go without. Case in point: I have a microwave in my apartment. I use it almost every day. I use it to heat up a small amount of leftovers or milk to froth for my coffee or to melt butter when baking or….any number of reasons. This week my microwave broke. I suddenly realized how much I used it after one day, when I tried to use it 3 times and kept getting frustrated because every time I forgot it didn’t work anymore. I don’t know if my landlord will fix it. We haven’t called him. There is no point in me buying a new one – I’m leaving in a little over 2 months. So I’m living without… In America, I would have popped in my car, driven to the closet mall and bought a new one. Really. But now? Now I’m thinking it wouldn’t be a bad idea to just ask my heavenly Dad if he might like to fix my microwave… or maybe He just wants to help me simplify and learn by doing without. (After all, most people I know in Belarus DON’T have microwaves.)
But what Foster says is even more intriguing… because he says to take that money that you would have used in a split second to buy that new microwave or pair of gloves or whatever and give it to charity…. Talk about practical! Talk about awesome! It’s not just about God meeting MY (your) needs. It’s also about how He might use ME (you) to meet someone else’s….
The sixth point also caught my attention because it made me stop and think and evaluate my life. I love to travel. You could say, in a sense, I’m a world traveler. Facebook tells me I’ve been to about one fourth of the world. Whenever I had the desire or opportunity to travel, I never turned it down. I always wanted the adventure, the new experience. Belarus has been the most significant time I’ve “traveled” for a purpose other than pleasure. I have to now ask myself… just because I can travel, should I? And if I do, how can I make it significant and not just self-indulgent? Foster gave great recommendations, like moving away from the travel brochures and museums and meeting locals, helping the needy in a new place, etc. In my travel, even the travel that was motivated by my own desire for fun and adventure, I can testify to the fact that it has oftentimes been used for His glory. I’ve had or been present for meetings or conversations with fellow travelers or locals that gave the opportunity to share about things of eternal significance. But I wasn’t necessarily looking for it… maybe I should, maybe I should ask for it…
What point is a challenge for you? What can you do today, this month, this year, to implement it and a greater simplicity into your life?

risking legalism.

"Is it any wonder that we struggle and strain in an attempt to express exterior simplicity? Unquestionably, this enterprise is fraught with many pitfalls and dangers. But we must not shrink back from our task. We must risk the danger of legalism, because to refuse establishes a legalism in defense of the status quo. Until we become specific we have not spoken the word of truth that liberates."

The existing states of affairs should never be settled upon. This side of heaven, we must strive for something more. But what is this more? Often times, it seems to me, the more is about less. In wanting more than the status quo, I want a changed world, a changed self, a changed reality… I want less possessions and more significance, less to do and more time to savor, less damage and more healing, less superficiality and more depth, less commercialism and more creativity, less pride and more humility, less baggage and more freedom, less finger-pointing and more forgiveness, less apathy and more love.
Foster here talks about the less, the external simplicity, caring not for what the world tells you is success, happiness, or peaceful life, all wrapped in packages of dollar bills. But as he says at the end of this paragraph, we must be specific. Some may call is legalistic, but sometimes you need the rules, the discipline, before you can find your freedom to live without them. Sometimes it might be most beneficial to deny oneself as a rule, very specifically, in order to retrain how we think, act, and react to the world around us.

joy, not grit.

"Joy, not grit, is the hallmark of holy obedience. We need to be lighthearted in what we do to avoid taking ourselves too seriously. It is a cheerful revolt against self and pride. Our work is jubilant, carefree, merry. Utter abandonment to God is done freely and with celebration. And so I urge you to enjoy the ministry of self-surrender. Don’t push too hard. Hold this work lightly, joyfully…. You know, of course, that [we] are not speaking of a silly, superficial, bubbly kind of joy like that flaunted in modern society. No, this is a deep, resonant joy that has been shaped and tempered by the fires of suffering and sorrow – joy through the cross, joy because of the cross."

p.128-129 in Freedom of Simplicity

How often I experience a lack of joy in my own life, and witness many joy-less Christians… we become overwhelmed with our troubles, let pessimism take over in our hearts, and find ourselves ruing our failings with ever-increasing despair. It is this last point that Foster seems to address, and I think his words are beneficial – we need to avoid at times taking ourselves too seriously, not to push so hard… We’re never going to get it all just right. It’s not that we need to always plaster on a happy face or stop wanting to grow… no, but we need to come again to that cross, and see the victory already won… and leave a changed person, one with joy, with hope, that despite our perpetual failings and short-comings, we’re accepted, the world is overcome,… The cross gives us joy because joy is found in His presence. This is simplicity of heart… merriment in following after the One who made all joys, conquered all troubles, and redeems all man’s short-comings.

flash snow fall.

We had a furious flash snow fall yesterday. I was caught outside in it, without a hat or a hood on my coat, and of course without an umbrella. I found refuge under a tree to take some pictures. (I’ve been carrying my camera around with me everywhere… I just get too self-conscious sometimes to pull it out.)
Today, snow is melted, sun is shining across clear, blue skies. (Such a rarity for Belarus!)

I recently finished reading a book called Freedom of Simplicity by Richard Foster. This book was wonderful to read for this season leading up to Easter. The first half deals with the theology of simplicity, while the second half of the book deals with application. In the second half, he looks at three areas for living in simplicity’s freedom: inward, outward, and corporate simplicity. I found myself dog-earring a plethora of passages. I’ve decided to do a short series of blog posts on a variety of quotes from this book with my own personal commentary and reflections. So check back this week and please, join in the conversation in the comments!

the secret ingredients.

I had a friend over for dinner last night. I made a soup. My friend remarked that it didn't look or smell like a Belarusian soup. (But she said it still tasted good ;))

I thought about the ingredients...

No beets.
No cabbage.
No potatoes.
No carrots.

Nope, defintely not a Belarusian soup. Not at all.

i love language.

I love language.

I put my hair up, a bit sloppily, the other morning. But what ensued on the bus was an amusing exchange with my roommate that reminded me why languages can be so fun(ny) sometimes. (Basically recapped below.)

Roommate: I like your hair today.
Me: Oh, thanks. I was thinking it looked pretty messy.
Roommate: No, it’s like, organized hows. ::the word she said sounded like ‘hows’ to my ears::
Me: Hows? It’s like an organized what?
Roommate: Hows.
Me: House? ::thinking to myself, what kind of weird Russian compliment is this?!::
Roommate: No, howz.
Me: ::thinking to myself, what on earth is she trying to say, so I take a second guess…:: Cows???
Roommate: ::laughs::
Me: I totally don’t understand. Organized house? Organized cows?
Roommate: No, you know, the English word for something without order, in Russian it’s hows.
Me: ::thinking:: Oh…. CHAOS?
Roommate: Yes! Keyhows.
Me: No. KAY-OSS. Like my name, K, and then “-os,” kind of like you’d say “Aussie”
Roommate: Oh, is it spelled with a K?
Me: No, C-H. C-H-A-O-S.
Roommate: Uh, right.

Proof That Hungary Doesn’t Belong to Eastern Europe

(or at least doesn’t resemble Belarus)


-I found sweet potatoes, microwave popcorn, caramel sauce, and Philadelphia cream cheese in the grocery store
-The grocery store looked like a two story classy Walmart with its own parking garage underneath
-There were lots of roundabouts on their roads
-Roads and sidewalks were narrow
-There were lots of hills
-There was a large lake, and it was actually pretty
-I saw blue skies and sunshine almost every day
-I ate at a Mexican restaurant in the downtown
-There was lots of graffiti in the downtown
-Prices are very expensive: I paid over $20 for a sandwich at a small café
-The movie theater featured flicks in English
-People don’t speak Russian, or those that do, don’t like to
-On the other hand, most people understand English even if they don’t speak it well

my presidential hopeful

If a song could be president
We’d hum on Election Day
The gospel choir would start to sway
And we’d all have a part to play

The first lady would free her hips
Pull a microphone to her lips
Break our hearts with Rhythm and Blues
Steve Earle would anchor the news

We’d vote for a melody
Pass it around on an mp3
All our best foreign policy
Would be built on harmony

If a song could be president
We’d fly a jukebox to the moon
All our founding fathers’ 45’s
Lightnin’ Hopkins and Patsy Cline
If a song could be president

If a song could be president
We could all add another verse
Life would teach us to rehearse
Till we found a key change

Break out of this minor key
Half-truths and hypocrisy
We wouldn’t need an underachiever-in-chief
If a song could be president

We’d make Neil Young a Senator
Even though he came from Canada
Emmylou would be Ambassador
World leaders would listen to her

They would show us where our country went wrong
Strum their guitars on the White House lawn
John Prine would run the FBI
All the criminals would laugh and cry
If a song could be president

-If A Song Could Be President by Over The Rhine

If you don't know this band, you should.

American politics from a Brit, er, a European

An interesting conversation took place this week between my new British classmate and myself:

Brit: American politics are so exciting.
American: How so?
B: You stay up all day and night watching the results come in, it’s like this exciting game. And it’s never predictable like it is in England, elections in England are so boring. But it always seems to me that those on the east and west coasts stick together in their choices while all the states in the middle go for the opposite guy. I figure everyone in the middle of the US is either really stupid or really crazy; they always pick the wrong guy.
A: For clarification, what do you mean by ‘the wrong guy’? The guy who loses or the one you don’t like or…?
B: The guy who wins.
.....
B: I don’t like to be called an Englishman.
A: How about British?
B: No, I don’t like that either.
A: Why? You live in England, right? Are you not from there?
B: Sure, I live there. But I don’t feel like an Englishman.
A: Are your parents English? Are they from England?
B: Well yes, they live in England. But they are originally from Lithuania.
A: So would you consider yourself Lithuanian?
B: Hell no. I never want to live in Lithuania.
A: Where do you want to live?
B: Wherever there is ocean and mountains.
A: How about Switzerland? They have mountains and lakes.
B: No, I want to go scuba diving. I want to live near the ocean.
A: How about Egypt?
B: No way! I’d hate everyone there.
A: How about Greece?
B: No, I also would hate it.
A: How about somewhere in Asia?
B: No.
A: Well you could come to the States. I’m sure you can find mountains and ocean there.
B: Not in the same city! I’m thinking maybe I’d live in Canada.
A: Really? Have you been to Canada?
B: No.
A: Hmm. Maybe you should stick to England… So what do you want to be called if not English?
B: I’m a European. You can call me a European.

*****

Another interesting occurrence this week at my Russian class. We had a visitor come sit in on our class. He was Turkish. He sat down in a chair next to me, and pulled out his laptop while we were going over some new vocabulary. As I glanced over, I noticed his laptop wasn’t just any laptop… it was a MacBook Pro… in fact, the exact same one as I own. It was my first time seeing someone with a Mac in Belarus besides myself… definitely NOT an everyday occurrence! (After class, I told him he had a very good computer, the same as mine. His question in response was where I am from. When I told him the States, he started talking to me in English. Said he used to live in Chicago.)

*****

I also informed my Russian teacher and classmates today that the forbidden fruit in Genesis was not (necessarily) an apple... because the Biblical account does not specify what type of fruit. My teacher was quite shocked to be debunked of her long-held notion... Once again, culture serves as the preferred foundation of truth.

the cold.

It is so cold here that the roads and sidewalks have all turned white.

It is so cold here that your face feels frozen as soon as you walk outside, making you think maybe there was still moisture on your face from showering that got icy, but no, it's just that cold.

It is so cold here that you sometimes forget you are wearing gloves, because the air goes right through them.

It is so cold here that my iPod earbuds get stiff and fall out of my ears over and over again.

It is so cold here that there is not only fog and frost on the windows of vehicles, but yes, even a layer of ice that coats the insides of all the windows of the buses, completely obscuring your view to the outside... and even though buses should have heaters, most of them are not operational or are neglected to be turned on.

It is so cold here that the only warm places I have found are 1. the metro and 2. my bedroom. Ironically, since they turned the heat on in my building, it has become like a sauna in my room. I have to sleep in shorts and a t-shirt and leave my door open to get cooler air from the rest of the apartment, or the little heater in my small bedroom will make it stuffy real fast.

Ah, winter. And it has only just begun. Temperatures were -16 degrees Celsius yesterday. Oh, it will get much worse... MUCH worse...