off to Maryland

I am about to leave, in approximately 20 hours, for Maryland. I will hopefully enjoy City Dock coffee, walking along buckling brick sidewalks, sleeping on a dorm room floor, hanging out with lots of fascinating people who just happen to be my friends, stock up on chocolate covered espresso beans from Trader Joes, delectably enjoy gelato at least once, venture out into the choppy waters of the Chesapeake Bay in a sailboat, and revisit my "hometown" of Philly - a visit that wouldn't be complete without a trip to Lee's Hoagie House. (Just some of my favorite things, which you probably already know are my favorite things...) This will also be a very odd trip - seeing so many friends still in college, so many friends who I haven't seen in a long time, so many friends who are pregnant or with children, so many alums, so many tutors,... and yet not really belonging at all to this college since I left it 2 years ago. In fact, this may be my last visit to St. John's and Annapolis for a very long time... I cannot anticipate when in the future I might have recourse to go back.

I think back over these past 2 years and am somewhat amazed at how fast they have actually seemed to go by, also taking into consideration that I haven't been as quantitatively happy as I have been in years past or during my college years. However, I also have an outsider's peek into other people's lives, and as I take a look here and there, I see how different my past 2 years has looked like in comparison to most others I graduated with... and yet, I appreciate what the past 2 years have taught me, and where I am going now, and have this sense that where I've been and where I'm headed clearly is designed for me and none other, and these other paths I can follow and look upon from at a distance also show me that they were designed for them, but also clearly not for me.

Through the struggle and toil of what I've been experiencing by just living life in the past two years, I've been moving away from a frustration that things aren't "working out" as I had hoped and into a different perspective of "this is OK for here and now." I don't view my present reality as a doomsday picture of my life 20 years from now. I am aware that the difficulty now doesn't have to quench my desires and interests... and just because it works well for others to "stick it out" for the long run, I feel free to choose not to stick it out and trust God in stepping out in a place of more questions and unknowns... and this is OK. In fact, it's exciting.

So I leave uber early tomorrow morning, for an 8.5 hour drive... but Tuesday will be the killer: I'll drive 2 hours to Philly from MD in the morning, and then after lunch, endure 10 hours of driving back to KY... all in all, 12 hours in the car by myself for one day... bleh. The road trip queen is ready to retire. At least when flying solo.