midnight waffle house runs

3 day weekends are sublime.

I spent gobs of time outdoors. Gardening, grilling out, reading, jogging, pulling pranks. I also made a midnight run to the waffle house. A trip down memory lane, in a way... except I wasn't accompanied by friends from high school, but friends from church. I was up until 2am or later, and it was fantastic. Then last night, I went on a run at 11pm. I don't know what I was thinking; it was late and stinking hot. The humid air just clinging to your skin and crawling into your lungs. But I ran on, with Leo keeping pace beside me, into the night and deeper into the humidity.

I finished reading Master and Margarita by Bulgakov. It won't make my top ten by a long shot, but I still was glad to read it. I think the title is deceiving; it would more aptly be titled Woland or Satan. You were practically a third into the novel before learning who the Master and who Margarita were... the novel seemed absolutely devoid of any protagonist. This may have been an intentual stylistic thing on the author's part, or maybe I'm just dense. Few if any of the characters were well developed, and even fewer were well liked. Again, perhaps this was the point. What was clear was that evil powers wreak havoc. Just call the novel Havoc. There, a much better title; one that fits the Soviet regime as well, eh?

what are you willing to give up?

How far will you go for truth?

I got this newsletter the other day from the Jews for Jesus organization. I am encouraged by their work and ministry. In this newsletter, there was an article detailing a conversation where an Orthodox Jewish man asked this Messianic Jew what Christianity would do for him? What would Christianity get him? But the Messianic Jew reflected later that this question arises out of the cost/benefit, consumer perspective in modern (or post-modern if you will) America. He said that the real question that the Orthodox Jewish man needed to ask himself was, what would I be willing to give up for the truth?

I agreed with this article, except that I think the consumer approach to life is not a mentality unique to America or only the present day. I think it's existed from day 1.

Christianity dares to ask you to give up a lot, your very life even... and I could talk about how it's like trading in listerine for pinot grigio, or smog for clean air, or britney spears for bach... but even those analogies would still be considering Christianity in terms of "what does it get for me?" - a better this or that. And while this is true, ultimately I think Christianity does give you "things" (and by things, I mean immaterial ones rather than material) that are better, that's not the point. Think about this: why do you make friends? Why do you want to get married? Why do you love anyone? Is it because... they make your life better? Is that it?... Should we in a similar manner love God just because He might make our lives "better" - a very subjective reason at that?... I would think again.

On another note, I have been accepted unofficially to study Russian at the Minsk Linguistics University next year. It will be official when I receive an invitation to study there in the mail from their dean/chancellor.

foot weight loss?

yea, TOTALLY random. But I'm wearing my favorite pair of sandals - they're leather and from Athens, Greece (maybe I'll try to get a photo...) - and all of a sudden, the back of the sandal kept sliding off my foot... it was as though my foot was smaller than it had been before... My first thought was, can you actually lose weight in your feet?!? (I now realize, it is more likely due to just stretching of the leather and usage, but...)

After having some good convos (I've somehow taken to abbreviating "conversation(s)" to "convo(s)" and I am not sure how that came about...) with my roommate, Jessica, I have decided that sometime in the near future (read: 5 yrs, 10 max) I'd like to do the A.T. - a thru-hike if possible - and do a triathlon - even if only the sprint distance.

Well, I can dream, right?

book talks

NY times puts in their $.02: The Best Work of American Fiction in the past 25 years.

Lots of lists and book talks recently.

I've read Beloved. Yes, I think it's good, but I don't know if it would be #1 for me. However, oddly, I feel out of touch with recent American literature. After 4 years studying Ancient Greek thought, Roman thought, and European philosophy of the past few centuries, and then my obsession with Russian writings into the next 2 years, I don't feel I have a good grasp of recent authors and literature. Anyone have their pick from the last 25 years?

Outlook

When Freya was in town last Thursday, I took her to my favorite coffee spot. While standing around smelling the aromas of whole bean coffee and coveting the chocolate covered espresso beans in a dispenser nearby, I picked up a pamphlet on the counter. The cover read "Why do you believe in god?" I think I've got a pretty good answer to the question, but, I read on. Scanning over this piece of "literature" I saw quotes by Nietzsche and Epicurus. (Oh yes, philosophers like Nietzsche really make my knees a-tremble...) As I read, I was actually quite disappointed. It sounded like an angry atheist ranting because as an atheist they felt like society or "Christianity" had done them some wrong in life. It was actually sad and depressing. The logic and reasoning was completely emotionally charged. I couldn't detect much rationality at all. Just a lot of anger. Lots. Now, I have read/heard reasoned rational defenses against Christianity, as well as reasoned rational defenses for agnosticism or atheism, so I know it's possible. It just astounded me that this was the best piece of "literature" that an organization touting "free thinking" could produce. Furthermore, it irks me that the assumption was made that all Christians or even theists or deists simply believe in God out of peer pressure, coercion, or propaganda; and/or that Christians suspend their logic and reason when approaching Christianity.

I would say that Christianity is logical. And yet wholly mysterious and paradoxical too. I don't think there is anything wrong with saying both. It's logical to me because it is how I come to understand the world and myself. It is mysterious because as a mere mortal, I don't have all the answers. I still think asking questions is valid. Heck, Job, David, and lot of others asked questions! Furthermore, I can't reduce something like the saving blood of Jesus Christ into mere mechanics, mere physical reality. It almost seems inherently mysterious, intentionally incomprehensible, and as such, my awe and wonder and love for God grows... strange as that sounds. (more later...)

The past week's events in the lives of friends (and, incidentally, family too...):
-New baby, Jacob Alton, to parents Johanna and Sir Robert, born this past Sunday!
-Freya completed her marathon! 10th in her age division! Wuhoo!
-Sarah and Joe got married! Super great. Wish I had been there.

The week's outlook (for me):
-Jogging! I've decided to run in the Bluegrass 10,000. My dog, Alyosha, is proving to be a great running partner.
-Reading! Currently I am halfway now into Master and Margarita by Bulgakov, and am officially re-reading The Brothers Karamazov.
-Praying! I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed. I'll be needing time sitting at the feet of my wisest friend.

semi-surprise visit

I ate the last of my Lee's hoagies today. Yummy, and yet, sad... there are no more!

Last night Freya and her Romanian friend Andrea came into town to visit me! I had about 4 hours advance notice... they were driving straight from Santa Fe to Annapolis. We had dinner at Ramsey's, they got pie from Missy's, and then I took them to Common Grounds, my favorite coffee joint in town. We had a good time seeing each other. When I woke up this morning around 6:30am, I called Freya, and she was about 45 minutes away from Annapolis... the crazy girl drove all night (OK, that's not so crazy since I've done it too...) Actually, the girl is still crazy, and more than that, she's my hero: she is running a full marathon in Delaware on Sunday!!! I am sure Freya would appreciate prayers and support. :)

Running a marathon is one of those things that sounds cool and exciting to do some day, but in reality, would probably just be grueling and painful... and yet knowing that, I still want to train for one someday...

deep calls to deep

deep calls to deep, originally uploaded by krisde.

a shot while sailing out in the Severn River in Annapolis, MD.

me and my hoagie

I just finished eating my third Lee's hoagie... Yes, I brought enough hoagies back from Philadelphia with me to last for a few meals... it was the only reason I bothered to bring a cooler. My roommates and friends look temporarily perplexed by the usage of this word, "hoagie," being accustomed only to words like "sub" or "sandwich." But "hoagie" denotes a type of sandwich completely different from a sub... most of the reason I think derives from the type of bread that is used in a hoagie - it's thick, slightly crusty on the outside, and it is open at the top so the shape is that of a U. All the goods get stuffed inside. If you ask me, subs can't hold a candle to a hoagie. Hoagies are, by their very nature, intrinsically superior. :) Reason #28 why I miss the northeast.

Back to the usual at work is not very exciting. But the trip? Pretty fantastic. I ran into what felt like a gazillion Johnnie alums. Probably because there were a few unexpected catch ups - like with Robert Abbott, Sarah Stickney, and Katie Roach - in addition to those I knew I'd be seeing - Rhiannon, Stuart, Rhonda, Lisa, Johanna, Laura, et al. Abbott was hilarious: he was full kilter the whole time, the enthusiasm over seeing everyone bubbling over like the champagne that he must have consumed. ;) It was really great. I also managed to see Kasimir when I trekked up to Baltimore, in addition to a few pals from high school, like Kelly, Jim, and Robert. The reunions never seemed to end, and I was glad for it. I even managed to squeeze a swing dance in at the waltz party the night before graduation, thanks to David Ferrell, and yet, somehow managed to fall down in the middle of the floor... I can thank my flip flops for that one. *sigh* My return to SJC was less than glorious.

I covered my bases pretty well as I had hoped while in the northeast: City Dock coffee, Trader Joe's, Lee's Hoagie House, Einstein's bagels, Aromi d'Italia gelato, the SJC bookstore, the SJC darkroom, 49 West, Ram's Head, sailing,... I also got to have coffee with Mr. Braithwaite (my former essay advisor) and had lunch with Mr. Pickens (the athletic director/crew coach at SJC).

The lowlight of the trip was its brevity and the 9 hours of Stephen King I listened to in the long lonely drives... not to mention, the $18 in tolls I had to pay just to go to Philadelphia and then leave! Sheesh.

As I looked on at my friends graduating this year, 2 years my junior, I remembered how it seemed that I was in their shoes just yesterday... and yet, I was clearly the observer, looking in from the outside. I also clearly knew that I was, in a way, glad not to be in their shoes any more... glad to have a better footing about the future and not floundering in society and dealing with how to live and get by and what to do with my life for the duration of the immediate future or long term... As it stands, I still haven't a clue about the long term anyway.

(my co-workers are joking about calling each other their "sweet little pita".... which is really just an acronym for "pain in the ass"... ahh, corporate America... standing around one another's cube and swapping jokes... back to it I suppose...)

fun with reflections and parking garages...

off to Maryland

I am about to leave, in approximately 20 hours, for Maryland. I will hopefully enjoy City Dock coffee, walking along buckling brick sidewalks, sleeping on a dorm room floor, hanging out with lots of fascinating people who just happen to be my friends, stock up on chocolate covered espresso beans from Trader Joes, delectably enjoy gelato at least once, venture out into the choppy waters of the Chesapeake Bay in a sailboat, and revisit my "hometown" of Philly - a visit that wouldn't be complete without a trip to Lee's Hoagie House. (Just some of my favorite things, which you probably already know are my favorite things...) This will also be a very odd trip - seeing so many friends still in college, so many friends who I haven't seen in a long time, so many friends who are pregnant or with children, so many alums, so many tutors,... and yet not really belonging at all to this college since I left it 2 years ago. In fact, this may be my last visit to St. John's and Annapolis for a very long time... I cannot anticipate when in the future I might have recourse to go back.

I think back over these past 2 years and am somewhat amazed at how fast they have actually seemed to go by, also taking into consideration that I haven't been as quantitatively happy as I have been in years past or during my college years. However, I also have an outsider's peek into other people's lives, and as I take a look here and there, I see how different my past 2 years has looked like in comparison to most others I graduated with... and yet, I appreciate what the past 2 years have taught me, and where I am going now, and have this sense that where I've been and where I'm headed clearly is designed for me and none other, and these other paths I can follow and look upon from at a distance also show me that they were designed for them, but also clearly not for me.

Through the struggle and toil of what I've been experiencing by just living life in the past two years, I've been moving away from a frustration that things aren't "working out" as I had hoped and into a different perspective of "this is OK for here and now." I don't view my present reality as a doomsday picture of my life 20 years from now. I am aware that the difficulty now doesn't have to quench my desires and interests... and just because it works well for others to "stick it out" for the long run, I feel free to choose not to stick it out and trust God in stepping out in a place of more questions and unknowns... and this is OK. In fact, it's exciting.

So I leave uber early tomorrow morning, for an 8.5 hour drive... but Tuesday will be the killer: I'll drive 2 hours to Philly from MD in the morning, and then after lunch, endure 10 hours of driving back to KY... all in all, 12 hours in the car by myself for one day... bleh. The road trip queen is ready to retire. At least when flying solo.

no coffee needed.

No coffee has been needed today, but perhaps it would have been preferred. When you work a standard M-F job, 8-5, it's easy to lose sleep... especially if you are prone, as I am, to stay up until midnight, 1, or 2am as the occasion may be because of a self-imposed deadline... so really I can only blame myself for my lack of sleep. I've had a stressful few days.

At my job today I was thinking again about how unsuited I am for what I am doing. Not only is my job in an environment that is stifling rather than stimulating or relaxing, but the actual job requires a very good memory for details, and for keeping track of these details months down the line, and also for having enough foresight and grasp of the business to be able to ask the important questions... well, maybe this doesn't make sense. But I need more structure. Here I am, trying to analyze my job and I am trying to do so by fitting the job into a concise explanation, and well, I'm never concise, and the job can never be explained. This is obvious because after nearly a year (just 3 weeks shy in fact) of working here, I still am utterly confused at times as to how this company functions. At previous jobs, I could handle the details, the workload, the stress, the time-crunch. During my time as a stage manager for theatrical productions, I even thrived under pressure and with managing a huge list of details. But I knew why I was doing what I was doing, and I could strategize about the best way to reach the goal. I cannot do that here. Either that, or my mind has just shut down in the past 2 years.

What, then, would help jobs to be more satisfying, fulfilling, or even just... diverting?

I still maintain that, at least personally, I feel greater satisfaction from my work when I am using my hands... and typing on a keyboard just doesn't count. Using my hands to create, construct, mold, shape, or beatify in some way. For example, carpentry or gardening. I imagine I would much rather enjoy myself employed in those activities than the ones I am doing now. After reading a section from the book of Acts, there was a discussion on whether or not cities - modern day or at the time of Christ/the apostles - had an actual effect on the spiritual life of its inhabitants? Specifically, do cities lead man to have more idols than someone who lives in the country? A couple points were raised, first, that ultimately the cause of idolatry is the heart, and whether or not man lives in a city or the country does not change his fallen state that might lead him to idolatry. The counterpoint was that cities provide the circumstances for idolatry in that they isolate man from the land and provide objects or possessions or more wealth that distracts a man from spiritual matters. There's the recap of the discussion.

I learned recently that the word for "Christian" in the Russian language used to be identical to the word for "farmer." The explanation given to me by the native Russian speaker was that all the farmers and peasants who lived in the country were Christians. The largest contingent of Christians were farmers. Later, I am not sure when, they decided to create a separate word for Christian from the word for farmer. Hence, the word for farmer is christianka and the word for Christian is hristianka. (These are my terrible transliterations into the Roman alphabet... and they both have feminine endings because I can only remember the endings that I would use in describing myself.) So... what can we learn from this linguistic trivia? Does this speak of a deeper truth about the relationship between work and religion, landscape/environment and spirituality?

In Genesis, man is called to work - to actually rule and subdue - the land. Yet we also know that work becomes toil. It becomes a burden. Why? Is it because work is difficult? It requires physical exertion? The exertion of one's mind? It brings pain - blisters and heat and scrapes and long hours and fatigue and sunburns... etc? Yet I still feel that the blisters and heat and long hours in a garden is more enjoyable than the simple office with the comfy swivel chairs and the technologically advanced computers and machinery and the air conditioning and artificial lighting that cater to one's ease and comfort... I would actually prefer the physical pain to the mental stultification, the toil to the "ease" of technology.