well, maybe I'm not making the world safe for screw ups, but I sure am a screw up and wish the world was understanding that I can't just bounce back (as fast as you can say abracadabra!) by saying a prayer into good-mood-righteous-living.
Not so good day yesterday. If you cry more than once in a day, it's not a good day in my book, and well, I cried thrice. It was a 'sigh,' 'bleh,' and 'whug' all rolled into one. An unexpected medical bill, being stood up (or, forgotten) by a friend for dinner, grocery shopping, bad communication... all a bunch of BLAH. Yesterday should have been Friday.
So there were issues in my screwed up life. Issues on the homefront. On the social scene. In my spiritual life. And though I felt a lot better last night thanks to some Russian lit, some prayer and meditation, and my furry friend, this morning was again rocky. I also realized that sometimes the subject material of a fiction book can really affect you: for instance, reading Crime & Punishment would really mess with my mind and I had to take it in small doses. However, Anna Karenina uplifted my spirits even though it is a dark novel. I think it is because the darkness isn't rampant and overwhelming, it's subtle and sneaky, and in a way, more sinister. So no, I wasn't propelled deeper into depression by reading Anna Karenina last night; I was actually enjoying it. Though I know not everyone would understand this, as my roommate did not.
I am hoping this mood will fade, as I am going to a social engagement tonight that is not my sort of thing... large and awkward where I am largely unknown by those in attendance... but I know it will be good for me to go and meet people and once again get out of my comfortable-introverted-box. Hence, I don't want to be sour and thus ruin the potential of having a good time.
and to think I was so proud of myself for writing posts 6 out of the 7 days last week... and now you all waited and got this. Sorry to disappoint. My well is a bit dry in the writing world.
Getting by thanks to:
-Reading How To Squelch Your Inner Jackass (some crudeness, incase you can't tell by the title, contained therein.) (Comment: I agree with this article hands down. As for the recommended niceties, I've only broken the grocery store one. But I attest it distracts and is best not to do it. However, sometimes I'm desperate, I mean, I LOATHE grocery shopping, so something has to get me through it... and in my iPod-less, discman-less, even walkman-less existence, I have a phone and that's about it.)(HT to BHT.)
-Reading BHT and InternetMonk.com
-Listening to Roper's "Brace Yourself for the Mediocre" album in the car on my way to work. Loud. Very loud.
-Enjoying the clouds, even though I realize I will really miss the sun and clouds and sunrises and sunsets if I go to cold, perpetually overcast Eastern Europe.
-Thinking of more Ben and Jerry's ice cream this evening... mmm Phish Food...
-It's Friday.
-It's payday.
Now, I ask my readers:
Is escapism ever profitable?
For instance, I "escaped" from life by reading Anna Karenina last night. I don't think this was bad; but a lot of escapism I would see as bad. Perhaps it has to do - in my mind - with the presence or absence of thinking. I can escape but be thinking and reflecting, like when reading. But I can escape specifically to avoid thought and just be wrapped up "in an experience" - like in drug use, or even with flipping on the T.V. to just "be entertained." But what say you?
by love.
Friday, January 20, 2006
making the world safe for screw ups
Posted by Kristi at 8:40 AM
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2 comments:
I wasn't disappointed. My day was a little bit bluesy as well, and sometimes it's nice to look and then see and say to yourself, "I guess I'm not the only one going through this kind of thing." And you even had it worse! It was not a crying day for me. I almost never cry even when I want to. When I was a child, crying was so unpleasant to me that I would make a concentrated effort not to.
Anyways...escapism. I'd better hope it's profitable--I intend to make a living off of it! ;)
Seriously, though, I do think escapism can be profitable. I think sometimes walking away from a problem and doing something else for a bit can let you approach it in a fresh way when you come back around, and I think all people need to "just turn off their brain" at some point or another. Always thinking played a large role in encouraging my doubts, if you remember. I think I told you about that. But anyway, on that note, I don't tend to see escapism in terms of the thinking/not-thinking dichotomy. The word for me has more to do with real-world vs. imaginary-world. Is what I'm escaping into an actual world or not? Reading stories, watching TV, playing video games, even doing mathematics make me think of escapism. But again, I think imaginative escapism can be good and profitable sometimes. It's certainly a complicated subject, and I can't say when it becomes bad. Your view on it, the "engaging in thought" vs. "experience absorption", certainly makes me scope it out from a different angle.
I have like one bad mood a year, so I can't be much help. But I have a theory: If you have a cut in your mouth, playing with it with your tongue is the worst thing to do. It'll never heal. Same with scratching mosquito bites and picking scabs. God gave us the ability to heal some wounds without doing anything. In fact, if you mess with it, it'll only interfere with the healing process. There are emotional wounds like that too. Thinking about it is only going to make it worse, so you should just play video games (or read Tolstoy). That's my theory.
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