music is poetry is beauty is truth

(switchfoot concert on 10.29, here's the rundown)

The day:
Left Lexington at noon with Rachel. 5 long hours of driving for one short set in Ohio. Arrived in Cleveland about 5pm. Upon recommendation from Robert, went to Tommy’s for dinner, and enjoyed the drive through Little Italy, the only place I saw in Cleveland that didn’t look like the ghetto. Didn’t get to the House of Blues in the Theater District until 7:10pm, and doors had opened at 7… so there was a huge line.

The venue:
Swanky and funky. Red velvet and religious icons. Multiple bars and bathroom attendants. Over the stage were religious icons lit up, with the phrase over the middle icon (tarot) declaring ‘Unity In Diversity, All Are One.’ Not sure how this related to blues music… (Interestingly, the symbol of the cross for Christianity was not present. However, I think they chose to represent Christianity with a statue of the Virgin Mary instead… ???) There was a jam packed downstairs floor where it was impossible to see anything due to the sheer mass of people and my shortness. Upstairs were box seats and balcony seating along with handicapped seating. However, behind the seats we were allowed to stand to watch the show. As it turned out, I got to be right on top with no one in front of me to block my view. Perfect view of the stage, even though I sacrificed feeling the crowd’s energy down on the floor.

The disappointment:
Not being able to take my camera inside, and then having to pay a $4 fee to put it in their coat check…. Grr. So the shot below is all I got really. Didn’t get to meet the band, didn’t get their autograph, didn’t get a marriage proposal (haha), didn’t get any cool photos.

The excitement:
It was Switchfoot, I mean, what is NOT exciting?!

Opening bands:
Reeve Oliver hailing from San Diego. Super cool guys.
Eisley, a chick band from Texas, with 3 sisters, 1 brother, and 1 cousin. The girls all wore cowboy boots. Didn’t dig their sound; I liked maybe 2 of their songs. I don’t usually like chick bands.

The set: (roughly in order, but not exact)
Lonely Nation
Ammunition
Dare You To Move
Easier Than Love
On Fire
This is Your Life
Happy is a Yuppie Word
More Than Fine
Company Car
Gone
Politicians
Shadow Proves the Sunshine
Twenty-Four
Meant to Live

Encore:
Stars
We Are One Tonight

A cool moment: Jon Foreman getting down on the ground, playing with his electric guitar’s amp and sound as he sang into the guitar strings to get this uber-cool resonating, echoing sound effect, similar to what he did with a piano for Shadow Proves the Sunshine on their Nothing Is Sound album. I don’t think I have to go into the details of exactly how cool this was. And I don’t think I can adequately describe its coolness because hearing it blows your mind.
Jon Foreman talked about the feeling of community at concerts, the oneness, the excitement that drove him to pick up a guitar in the first place. He prefaced Politicians by saying this was not an anti-Bush or anti-democracy song, but rather, he likes democracy only because he distrusts everyone equally. Company Car was a request from the crowd so they played it just for us Cleveland fans. They even sang a song about Oh!-Hi!-Oh.
And then they ended with the crowd singing a cappella to Meant to Live with the line, “We were meant to live for so much more…”

The experience, the tiredness, the long drive there and back again: oh so worth it.

Arrived back in Lexington at 5am (4am w/ daylight savings time… what a blessing for that extra hour!) Survived the long night thanks to coffee, ice, a whatchamacallit, mini chocolate donuts, Caedmon’s Call, Moby, Switchfoot, Rachel, good conversations, adrenaline.

Check back HERE for their thoughts on the Cleveland show... (I am impatiently waiting for them to post it :)

Dedication of sanctuary at 9:30am: beautiful. As Joel Hunter said over at the BHT, “It feels like Christmas or Easter.” The evening brought an organ concert by renowned Joyce Jones. I lucked out with a near front seat. Though I’ll admit I prefer the piano over the organ, there is something simply amazing about the organ, an instrument designed to praise God, and the virtuosity required in using both one’s hands for the keys and one’s feet to manage all the pedals. The concert was wonderful.

I am thankful for such diversity in creativity – to create beauty and express truth by words and music, whether through rock n roll or through a restored 1950s organ. I know some people cannot see beauty in something like rock n roll, the playing of loud drums and electric guitars. And I am not talking about beauty when these instruments are used in a praise and worship sort of setting. I am talking about rock n roll. I am talking about music produced by bands like Switchfoot. I am talking about the brilliance to utilize one’s voice with the resonating of an instrument to create an unearthly sound by singing into the strings. I am talking about the inherent creative gift that everyone has. This is not to say that every use of that creative gift is for good. There are ways that the creative gift can be used for unglorious purposes, aimed at tearing down, creating for the sake of destroying rather than giving and building up. But I don’t believe beauty in music and words is only found in a mass by Bach or a poem by Hopkins. I believe that the form is not static but dynamic, the content not limited but sprawling, that it is revealed in simplicity and complexity, and that I, too, am capable of its creation and expression. Wonder of glorious wonders, joy of inexpressible joys!

House of Blues

House of Blues, originally uploaded by krisde.

became a house for Switchfoot on 10.29.05

silver rail

silver rail, originally uploaded by krisde.

Shot of Lauren during my first sunrise shoot at Keeneland.

this morning:

35 degrees outside
running 5 minutes late for work
1st time wearing quasi-winter coat
1st time wearing gloves
wearing scarf for about the 5th time
grass is frozen
car is frozen
(what the?!)
running 10 minutes late for work...


this weekend:
2 movies watched, by myself (The Life Aquatic and The Interpreter)
1 root beer consumed (Henry Weinhard's)
6 clock alarms ignored
14 hours of sleep in 24 hours (a record number in many, many months)
1 long drive in the country which makes my...
... 7th time visiting the abandoned bourbon distillery
1 dinner out
1 coffee date
1 trek to Keeneland which was my...
2nd time in a week, with a third trek planned for this Saturday
2 church services attended
1 church service for homeless people (Lexington's version of Church Under the Bridge)
120+ pictures taken

and now:
117 hours until I go to Keeneland for my third and last time this fall...
130 hours until the Switchfoot concert...
143.5 hours until the new sanctuary dedication...
146 hours until I crash and burn from lack of sleep...

but let's not forget:
2nd time writing this post thanks to a stuck 'Esc' key!!!

beer, gelato, football, and craziness

It's Friday, which is hard to believe, and at the moment, it is a relief. I have been busy at work this week (shocker!) and in some ways it was a welcome busyness, and in others, a not-so-welcome busyness. I still have 1-2 things hanging over me today to finish up, but hopefully that will not be a problem...

Last night I enjoyed night with the fam to watch the Virginia Tech football game. My dad and cousins in VA should be proud of me... as my dad would say, "the correct team" won... (I've recently been criticized for rooting for the "incorrect" team...)

recent discovery downtown: a pizza place & pub that features 37 beers on tap with a newly opened gelato place across the street... It was close to heaven. Turkish Coffee & Caramel gelato... oh my. It was decadent.

I've also been trying more beers of late. In all honestly, I have not had that many. In fact I could probably list them all here but I might bore you. Some of my favorites have included:
Corona
Dos Equis
Shiner Bock

I also have enjoyed Guinness (draught), Rolling Rock Pale Ale, and a special Kentucky Ale that is soaked in old bourbon barrels... now that's something else...

and just because I've been in a survey mood... beer recommendations anyone??

and thus concludes Kristi's post of mere trivialities.

i fell in love.

I fell in love on Saturday.

Woke up at 5:30am. Chilly morning, pitch black, groggy. (Reminiscent of crew practices...) Drove and picked up my not-so-groggy friend Lauren by 6am. Headed out to Keeneland.

We wandered by, through, and in between the stables filled with stable hands, jockeys, and horses - which are truly magnificent creatures. We were the ambitious amateur photographers who hoped no one would make us leave. What was shocking was how friendly everyone was to us, saying hello, greeting us with a "good morning", and striking up conversation. Many even came over specifically so we could photograph their horse in those pre-dawn hours. (The jovial spirit at such an hour was not as reminiscent of crew practices...)

I fell in love with the early morning. I fell in love with the stables: the bustle, the quiet, the hushed conversations, and the steady plodding of the horses' hoofs. I fell in love with the horses. I fell in love with the friendly jockeys. I fell in love with the racetrack, the horses galloping by in their morning warm ups and work outs. I fell in love with photography and having a fellow photographer as a companion. I fell in love with the sunrise.

I've been called a true romantic. (I think this is - and was intended to be - a compliment.) I was caught up entirely in the romanticism of those 2 hours. I am dying to go back before racing season ends on the 29th. I am dying to ride again. I am dying to photograph some more. If I had not felt so exhausted physically and emotionally by Saturday night at midnight, I would have gone again on Sunday morning before church.

on another note or two:
I now have three Belarussian pen pals: Luba, Tanya, and Kate!

I also, on occasion, don't realize how much I miss someone until I talk to them or see them about a long absence. (Usually I'm always missing friends who are out of state or out of country...) But Saturday night I finally go to catch up with Robert and all I can say is I didn't realize how much I missed him until that night.

I am reminded now of something about nostalgia that Chesterton said in Orthodoxy... Of course I can't recall it now, but whatever it was, that is what I am feeling... romanticism and nostalgia.

neglected

my cleats are feeling neglected.

they need to come out of the closet and get use on the field. i am really craving to play soccer. the weather right now is perfect: 73, not too sunny, a slight breeze, as the world is trying to decide if it's really autumn or not...

oww my side is hurting...

... in a good way.
thanks Rachel & Heidi... haven't laughed that hard in a long while.

yesterday was FREE BURRITO day at Chipotle on Limestone. Limestone is right by UK. I headed over there straight after work for a couple reasons
1. I couldn't go at lunch
2. I already had dinner plans so I had to make it fast
3. I'm poor and like free food and the 12 minute drive out of my way was worth a free lunch & dinner that I saved for today

that's right... I spent 30 minutes waiting for a free burrito and drink only to not eat it and take it home so I could enjoy it for lunch today.... mmmm. This also allowed me to post-pone my grocery shopping until tonight because I loathe grocery shopping and any chance to post-pone or forget I have to do it is a good thing in my book.

What I wasn't counting on was another odd experience as I waited in line at the Chipotle.

I am downtown, in the midst of a very large university, so naturally, who is getting free burritos? Poor college students. (Wait a second. That's me, right??) There was the wake up call. I should feel right at home in that group of people. It should feel normal. It should feel comfortable.

It didn't.

There are a couple reasons I concluded. First of all, I was straight off of work, and by myself. Most of these people were straight out of class and in large clumps of friends. I was wearing black dress pants, heels, and a string of pearls. The girls I saw were wearing jeans and t-shirts, baring midriff at times, with either sneakers or flip-flops, and inevitably, with a cell phone glued to their ear. Now, I do wear jeans and t-shirts and flip flops and on occasion some may spot me with a cell phone on my ear. Doubt anyone will be seeing my midriff, but hey, in other respects, I do at times look like them. But the fact is, at this moment, I didn't, and I was clearly sending forth a "I'm not a student" look, which is I know probably irrelevant to everyone that was around me, and obviously was not intentional for any reason, it was just coincidence given when I decided to go to the Chipotle.

When I became aware that I wasn't feeling particularly a part of this group (I hesitate to say "generation" because really, I'm still there...), it made me feel strangely, as in, I have to stand tall and live up to my business attire with a mature, older, working woman sort of stance and carry myself fittingly and appropriately. Fact is, I'd rather have just broken into conversation with the nice looking guy in front of me with his jeans rolled up to mid calf, pen over the ear, toting his backpack and bike in line, who flashed me a million dollar smile when I told him I wouldn't make him lose his spot in line while he locked his bike up. Almost made me feel like I didn't stand out, despite my weird strange feelings which perhaps were really just insecurities.

I look at the young working people around me. There are a few in my office who I know. Lots of young working women end up with young working men in the same office. Makes sense, you work together, that's how a lot of people meet, at a job. Seriously now, I have no desire to meet my future husband at my place of work. Correction: at my current place of work. I'm here because I'm a lost soul who hasn't a clue where else to be or where else I even could be. But that other person, most likely, is A-OK with working here. May even be happy. I just can't relate to that. Or so my narrow-focused mind is thinking. Yea, I'll work on that.

I'll work on a lot of things. Because I'm struggling to "feel alright"... makes me think this "feeling alright" and "contentment" stuff might be a bit off target. Do I really want to limit myself, restrain, be satisfied with no desire for something more?? Absolutely not. I'm starting to see a flip side to this "contentment" deal. There's the "contentment" that means, I'm happy, and then there's the contentment that says, I need nothing more. I am pulling away from this latter sense and asserting that I need to strive for something more. Striving for something more is one of the prized and valued qualities I find in other individuals, and my future husband has got to have it.

"There's gotta be something more, than what I'm living for, I'm crying out to You..."

a 2,000 word gift for the weekend...

So I have been thinking and talking a bit with people over this idea of vocation. I heard a sermon at my church recently that dealt with this, and then I have been having my own musings on this topic sparked by different occurrences in my life.

One occurrence was a strange moment of reflection the other night, in the midst of a group of fellow Christians who were introducing themselves. What is the first thing you are going to tell about yourself? Most people, the question you first ask or the answer you first give will be along the lines of your job or field of study. It is this job or field of study that is defining you, or that you are allowing to define yourself, in the eyes of another person. (Aside: I am well aware that the most defining thing about myself and other Christians is Christ. But for this scenario, that is a given. So considering that as an understood given for any Christian, what is the next defining quality of you? Or the first defining quality of any non-Christian? This is the question I will be tackling.)

I heard introductions that went like this….
“Hi, my name is ______, and I am studying ______.”
“Hi, my name is ______, and I work at ______.”
“Hi, my name is ______, and I am a ______.”

Fill in these blanks with anything that would qualify as a job or career, or a major at college (which is basically the categorization of your job aspiration). These are the things, the pieces of information, that you give another individual, to get a glimpse into who you are. Why? Simply put, your job or career or college major represents something that you – presumably – feel passionate about, excited about, called to, or want to devote your life to. A good 25+ years of devotion.

I have two strains of thought, and unfortunately they split like a fork in the road. So let me begin with the first. Let me relate my experience, sitting there, with other individuals, waiting for my turn to introduce myself. Every single person had a response that mirrored my fill-in-the-blank examples above. I thought, can I really say the same thing? Can I really say, “Hi, my name is Kristi, and I am a [insert job title and description here]…”? This thought was met with a strong aversion and distaste in my consciousness. Instead, when it came my turn, my response ran like this: “Hi, my name is Kristi, and I have a wild dog named after a Russian literary character.”

My response was met with good-natured laughter. Simply put, in reality, the fact that I am a dog owner, and a dog owner who is a fan of Russian literature, actually does say more about me (personally) than my job title and description. Even then, such a factoid falls terribly short of any substantial meaning and insight into me. So a deeper question is: should a job define a person? Define me personally? There needs to be a distinction at this point in the discussion between mere jobs and careers, and that of vocations – if you will, holy vocations. During the sermon I heard recently at my church, Pastor Sartelle commented on the fact that people used to always refer to their job as their “vocation” rather than their “career.” Vocation implies calling, that you have been called to do something, to engage yourself in a holy pursuit that is in God’s design. Eric Liddle (a la Chariots of Fire) said, "God made me for China, but he also made me fast. And when I run, I feel his pleasure." This should resonate with Christians, to know that there is something, or there are multiple things, that God made you for, that He delights IN you as you do them, whether that be running, doing missionary work in China, working on computers, teaching, being a doctor or nurse, a lawyer, a mother, a father, a husband, a wife, a writer, a photographer, a car mechanic… This is the quintessential nature of vocation: knowing what you are made for and feeling God’s pleasure in that purpose.

Road block: what if I don’t feel that now?
I come to a couple conclusions.
First, what I am employed in is not my holy vocation.
Second, it is a job, and I can serve God and my neighbor and employer and co-workers to the best of my ability and honor and please God while doing so… but since this is not my end, I will not be here forever. I need to consider, however, for how long I should be here. What is the purpose now?
Third, I need to be attuned to those things that do excite me, so that I can – with confidence – pursue that which I was made for… and not remain in a job lacking the call and delight of a vocation.

Eric Liddle was probably known more for his running than his missionary work. However, he puts the two side by side: running and China. Two things he was made for, not one, not either/or. Clearly, I may not have one defined specialized niche to fill in the world of business or economics or education or medicine or family or… I may find myself embracing many, many vocations. Truly, I hope I will! I believe I am made for vocations in marriage, in photography, in writing, in academia, in church, in missions, in friendships. In fact, I think I already am living in some of these vocations now. So do these things define me? Yes, but not entirely. I think I will always inadequately sum up who I am in one sentence, with one fact, with one piece of information. I can no more give a glimpse to a stranger of myself by telling them my vocation or where I work than I can give someone a glimpse of the fullness of God by pointing to the brilliant sunrise. Qualities of nature, my nature as an individual or God’s nature, are revealed by stating I have a job or by seeing a sunrise, respectively. However, I will postulate that others come to rightly, more fully understand me, define me, only by knowing me, in a loving relationship. (Their intentions have to be good and loving for them to be able to have eyes to see me in my actuality; one can’t approach me with a prejudice for not liking me, or they will never know those true things about me, always picking out my perceived flaws rather than taking in my whole being and opening themselves up to discovering delightful things about me.) Likewise, someone will only come to rightly understand and define God by being in a loving relationship with Him. (Reasoning above applies.) Furthermore, others – people and God alike – may give me more definition than I could ever give myself. I see my flaws and confusion, one gray, garbled mass of a messed up heart and mind and soul. But others see my talents more quickly than I do. They show me that they see more than just confusion in me, they see light and goodness and other things I sometimes don’t see myself.

The second fork in this conversation is concerned with this idea of devoting yourself 25+ years to a specific, particularized field. What happens when you take your coat and tie and call it quits for your line of work, leave that place and enter into that blessed state of being that modern America has been calling retirement? Do you leave your holy vocation in medicine or education or missions behind you? Retirement is something that we work for, we save money for… so we don’t have to show up somewhere from 8-5, M-F. Usually this is because we want to leave the job and be with our family, take a break, not be held under a responsibility like showing up for work every day, wanting to return to a freer lifestyle. But I sense that individuals sometimes can slip into this mode of thinking themselves useless. The work force doesn’t need them, so what are they to do? Collect seashells on the beach and be entertained by the latest soap opera and sitcom…? (I’m alluding to ideas I’ve heard or read from John Piper about this. Don’t Waste Your Life is on my list of must-reads in the near future.)

Retirement is not a part of God’s design. The Sabbath is. Instead of taking our day of rest every week, we want our rest to build up at the end of our lives in the form of years. In fact, many of us ignore the Sabbath. We want to run headlong into busy lifestyles 7 days a week, and if we had 8, we’d be living out busyness 8 days a week too. This is not a matter of time; this is a matter of priority and perception. We don’t want to rule over this world and subdue it, take care of it, for our entire lives; we just want to do it for our 25-some odd years. We become focused on ourselves, our nuclear families. (Don’t get me started on nuclear families! Let me just say this concept is also foreign to God’s larger design – but I’m not discounting nuclear families entirely. This is where the breakdown of Christian community happens, and we need to shift from isolated nuclear husband/wife/children families, to a “nuclear” brothers/sisters/Father family.) The pastor at my church came on board this past summer. He shepherds this one particular flock. He has been married for 40 years. He is at least 60 years old. And yet he just took on a new position as senior pastor at my church. I don’t think he has any plans to retire. He is in his vocation, where God has called him to be. Why on earth would he want to stop, when he is living in the light of God’s pleasure?

Modern man is about modern convenience and this has resulted in sheer laziness. We don’t want to work. We see all work as painful toil when in fact all work is not painful toil. We want to sit on our bums when we reach 70 because we deserve some peace and relaxation for putting in our time of hard work. I won’t deny, those in retirement probably did work very hard in their lives, and just looking at generational differences, they have probably suffered more than I may come to experience. But this concept, that mankind deserves a break after 25 years of work? I’m just pretty skeptical that it holds much water. (Granted, if I am still in this same job in 25 years, I, too, will want a serious break! Precisely because this is not my vocation…) Maybe we also need to redefine, rethink, the nature of work when we are older. We may simply, practically, not be able to keep the same “hours” or do the same stuff. But do we stop living, loving, serving, caring, and yes, working? I don’t think so.

Consider this: God didn’t say, hey, I made the world, now I’m sitting back and going to take a break and watch. Maybe there are some people who think about God that way. I definitely do not. He took a Sabbath, but He didn’t retire. He is living and active in every moment. And frankly, if I ever make it to retiring age, I think I’ll still want to care for this earth, be active, doing something other than being entertained and relaxing in a condo on the beach. How great, how wonderful, if that thing I would be doing when I’m “retired” is the same thing I was doing for those 25+ years before!? To steal an apropos title of a book, it’s about a long obedience in the same direction.

Anyone out there listening?

Belarussian!

I am SO excited!

I now have a Belarussian pen-pal named Luba!

sesquipedalianism.

Noun. 1.) The practice of using long, sometimes obscure, words in speech or writing.

Survey!

What are some of your favorite words? Preferably, long or obscure words, but any words nonetheless?

I can thank Lauren for introducing me to the aforementioned long word. And what a fabulous word at that! I don't think there's anything wrong with aspiring to be sesquipedalianists...

Some of my favorites have included:
-quintessence / quintessential
-resplendent (I stole this one from Laura ;)
-halcyon
-nascent
... and jubilation.
(ok ok, it's not obscure, and not terribly long, but I love it anyway.)
(I think I used all five of these words in my senior essay... ha! In high school, I tried to figure out ways I could work the word quintessence into every major essay... I even learned it in spanish to put in my AP Spanish exam essay... I'm such a dork.)

a justin mcroberts experience

I had a Justin McRoberts experience the other day. I read his entry about the plane catastrophe ("You Took My Spot"), and then faced a similar episode Friday morning on my way to work... in traffic. (If you don’t know Justin McRoberts or his music, you are missing out. Talented musician, and a really funny guy. Saw him at ICHTHUS in ’03 and he was a real standup comedian…)

As I drive to work, there is this one particular intersection [Redding and Tates Creek] that is ambiguous. As I drive on Redding, the road is one lane. Clearly, one lane. By the time you reach the light, you have 3 lanes. 2 left turn lanes, 1 right turn lane. I always take the middle lane, which is the outside left turn lane (#2). However, what develops is a problem regarding this 'ambiguous space' on Redding where the 1 lane becomes 3... with the result that many drivers turn Redding into a 2 lane road for that small ambiguous space. Now, if it becomes a two lane road in that space, you are facing the 2 left turn lanes. The right turn lane is wayyyy to the right and you’ll have to swerve over into it from the middle lane. Any cars sitting in this ambiguous space on Redding, thereby creating two lanes in this ambiguous space, are "in line" for left turn lanes #1 and #2. (Then, if you have to turn right, you will swerve/change lanes from left turn lane #2 to right turn lane on the approach to the light...) This situation is further complicated by the fact that there is a space between the ambiguous space and the 3 lanes, to allow for any cross traffic that wishes to go to the gas station. Let me make a little drawing to make myself clear. [SEE DIAGRAM 1 BELOW]



Car A is sitting almost in the middle of the ambiguous space on Redding. Creating 2 defined lines to wait for the light to turn green is not an option. But he’s clearly leaning to the left, in line for the inside left turn lane, #1. Since I want the middle lane, I pull behind him (not beside him as there is not enough room), but am on the right side of the car, so that it is clear I intend to enter left turn lane #2, which is STRAIGHT AHEAD OF ME.

Up comes Car B, ugly maroon truck. Ugly maroon truck is right behind me. Clearly, he wants the same lane I do. But we can’t inch up beside Car A, so we’ll have to wait patiently and then proceed into left turn lane #2.

Ugly maroon truck, apparently, decided to ignore the fact that I as a driver am in line waiting to proceed to lane #2. This is when maroon truck makes his move. He circumvents all decorum and perhaps even legality for the rules of the road. Rather than wait his turn, he goes AROUND myself AND Car A on the LEFT. He then turns into the cross traffic lane. For a second, I think he’s being stupid but just trying to go to the gas station. NO. He’s being stupid all right, but he’s not going to the gas station. He’s not even going to the right turn lane. He pulls RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME in left turn lane #2, the lane I am facing and waiting to proceed in when the light turns green. [See DIAGRAM 2 BELOW]



WHAT THE?!?!

Did he not see me sitting in front of him when he decided to circumvent both myself and Car A to get to left turn lane #2?? Did he not see that he was also a road hazard by blocking the cross traffic between the ambiguous space and the 3 lanes??

Yes, he blatantly cut in front of me. Who is slighted by this?? Me. Just me. He just decided to annoy me. Thanks ugly maroon car.

I was feeling mad... and then I remembered Justin McRoberts’ story... and realized... things like this happen ALL THE TIME. And frankly, I have a higher calling. I won’t always live up to my higher calling. But I have it, and it entails letting go, letting things like this slide off my shoulder, for the sake of peace, in the name of Grace.