the remains.

the remains., originally uploaded by krisde.

Box of glass shards, the remains of the window in my door which was shattered... how nice to have your house broken into three days before Christmas!

sheesh.

(but it could've been a lot worse.)

me and my drum.

Jars of Clay has a great rendition of the Christmas carol, Little Drummer Boy. I've heard it a few times, and really like the lyrics to this, albeit simple, song.


Come, they told me (pa-rum-pa-pum-pum)
A newborn king to see (pa-rum-pa-pum-pum)
Our finest gifts we bring (pa-rum-pa-pum-pum)
To lay before the king (pa-rum-pa-pum-pum)
So, to honor Him (pa-rum-pa-pum-pum)
When we come

Little baby (pa-rum-pa-pum-pum)
I am a poor boy too (pa-rum-pa-pum-pum)
I have no gifts to bring (pa-rum-pa-pum-pum)
That's fit to give a king (pa-rum-pa-pum-pum)
Shall I play for you (pa-rum-pa-pum-pum)
On my drum?

Mary nodded (pa-rum-pa-pum-pum)
The ox and lamb kept time (pa-rum-pa-pum-pum)
I played my drum for Him (pa-rum-pa-pum-pum)
I played my best for Him (pa-rum-pa-pum-pum)
Then, He smiled at me (pa-rum-pa-pum-pum)
Me and my drum


nice. Sometimes what is simple becomes what is most profound.

I remember a friend remarked to me that if you weren't going to do your best on something - be it an essay for class, a musical performance, a piece of artwork, etc. - then it would be better to not have done it at all. I think I've mentioned this before on my blog. This struck me and has stuck with me strongly ever since.

No, I don't really have anything to give that is fit for a king... but I can, at least, offer up my life, the best of my abilities, the best of my talents, the entirety of my mind, heart, soul, and stength. Giving the best I have, even if it is as nothing next to the perfection in Christ alone, is an act of love.

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. " - Deut. 6:4-7

Belarus, initial reflections.

So let me tell you about Belarus, which was one amazing time.

First, I'll share one of my highlights. The orphanage.

The orphanage was amazing on multiple levels. Just dwell on this a moment: children with physical and/or mental handicaps. 200 children, in a small, poor, rural village in a wintry country. They have occasional visitors, but only have 1 group (my church) that goes there every year. We only stay for about 4 hours.

You know, we all intellectualize out the wazoo about theology and love and what-not. But for once, there was no need or room or time to intellectualize anything. There was one thing needed: to give and show love. To demonstrate love.

And this makes some people very uncomfortable.

We don't hug on, touch, kiss people all the time. In fact, some people go about their lives, every day, without getting or giving a single hug. In fact, a lot of times this is normal for me. In fact, if I started handing out hugs and giving kisses to my girlfriends, for example, they might get weirded out. But when you are facing 200 children who are never touched, are never hugged, never have someone to hold onto, you have no option but to touch, hug, and hold as many of them as you can. Smiling was contagious. I gave a smile to every kid I saw, I reached out just to touch them on the arm, or invited them to sit in my lap or walk with me down the hall holding hands. Touch transcended the language barrier, it became our common tongue, our way of communication.

This way of loving felt easy, almost natural. For once, I felt as though I were experiencing James 1:27 - "Pure and undefiled religion is this, to visit orphans and widows in their distress." Furthermore, there was no intellectualizing of this verse involved to "get it". We were able to "be" Christ for 4 hours, loving them as Christ would; but there is only one who can be a Father to the fatherless in our absence.

There was Katya who wrapped her arm around my waist to escort me to her classroom. There was Christina who held my hand the entire time we walked on the tour of their living quarters. There was Nasta who climbed in my lap, and her little friends who kept exclaiming (in Russian) "We heard you were coming, we knew you were coming, but we didn't believe you were actually going to come! And now you are here, you came at last!" Lots of great memories. More to come...

Advent.

I’ve lately come to really love Christmas carols. Specifically, I have come to love those verses of Christmas carols that are lesser known and not as well remembered when singing them. For instance, consider these stanzas from well known carols, each selection being the third stanza from a different song:

Hail the heav’n-born Prince of Peace! Hail the Sun of Righteousness!
Light and life to all he brings, ris’n with healing in his wings;
Mild he lays his glory by, born that man no more may die,
Born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth.
Hark! The herald angels sing, Glory to the newborn King.

And the second:

O come, thou Dayspring, come and cheer
Our spirits by thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

And the third:

How silently, how silently the wondrous gift is giv’n!
So God imparts to human hearts the blessings of his heav’n.
No ear may hear his coming, but in this world of sin,
Where meek souls will receive him, still the dear Christ enters in.

Instantly, I notice the theology in these songs. These verses are not merely about “rejoicing” and “singing” – they are about that as well – but more than that they are teaching and reminding, or preaching, to those who sing them and those who listen. These songs aren’t skimpy in their theology, this is no watered down drink, but this is hearty meat. Consider lines like: “Mild he lays his glory by…” or “born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth.” These carols emphasize that Christmas is not just about a birth. It is about a birth that leads to a death. In order to even understand the celebration of Christmas, you have to understand the celebration at the cross.

Advent cannot simply be about a child who was the Son of God. If we simply celebrate the incarnation we miss the point. Yes, the incarnation is incredible. The love that God demonstrates for us in having His own Son simply trod this guilty sod alongside of us is amazing on its own accord. When I ponder that God would want us to know that He knows our sufferings, that He willingly went through the pain and sadness that characterizes life on earth, that we might become a friend of God, I am moved to awe filled silence at such beauty. There is great, magnificent, blinding beauty in a God who personally knows me as a child and as a friend because He wanted to know me and love me, and walked this earth to prove it.

I come to ask this Christmas season, what makes a good friend? If I were to look at the pool of friends that I have and those I have lost, I am tempted to ask, why is it thus? Why are some close and others far away, or even gone from my life? Those that are still around are those that care enough to ask me how I’m doing, those who care enough to call me and talk. They will listen and also know that I will return the favor. Friendship has to be a two-way street. Otherwise I keep driving in one direction, seeking out my friend, but the road the other way is empty and I drive on and on until I run out of gas, and then I simply can go no further. My friend has not driven to meet me halfway, has not gone the distance to meet with me. But friends I still have, they have gone the distance. They have proven themselves, ready to meet me, so we can exchange laughter and words and love and a whole host of other things.

God likewise has proven that He has gone the distance. So the question also must be put back to me and to you: have we gone the distance too? Have we gone to meet Him? Will we welcome Him in our lives? But let’s also understand that He has gone the furthest distance of all, further than you and I could ever go as a friend. He went not only from heaven to earth, but to hell, the darkness of death, and back. And back. He has come back. Back in the resurrection, and back again some day in this world’s future. He has gone the distance to meet me, and you, and even gone the distance required for you and me to likewise experience triumph over death. There is this huge towering mountain, which I must climb, and suddenly while climbing, I find myself on a dangerous precipice with no rope or tree branch or rock to grab; then there is this strong hand reaching down to grab me, and keep me from falling, and so I climb and summit this mountain, alongside of Him who gave me His strong hand. Victory was His first, but victory is also mine. Jesus not only goes the distance of saving my life, but the distance of staying with me for life.

I treasure friends who will sacrifice time or resources to be with me. Such people, for example, drive long distances to say hello and share a meal or a beer with me, or help me to fly out to see them, or give me an hour of their undivided attention to talk. Imagine, though, a friend who gave you a home. God gives us a home, a place prepared for us, to be with us, and for us to be with each other, on the other side of that triumphant victory over the mountain of death. He gives us community, one of the greatest gifts of all. He gives us love within this community.

Thus, Advent is a waiting. We are not waiting for the birth of Christ. Advent is not waiting for the day that has been traditionally used to commemorate the miraculous birth of a babe, a babe that is God clothed in flesh. No, the Advent is waiting for the return of the man who is our greatest friend. Right now, I miss this man. I miss Him very much. Though we may talk, we have not seen each other face to face. There is a special joy in community that is in being fully present with someone physically (as well as spiritually or emotionally or mentally). So now I wait, and I look forward to that time that is coming, and I rejoice! I rejoice because Emmanuel came once, and I trust He will come again. I rejoice because though I do not see Him face to face, I know and experience His love on a daily basis. I do not despair. My spirit is cheered by His advent here… and I rejoice this advent over this “dear Christ [who] enters in”… into this world, into my life.

Then let us all with one accord
Sing praises to our heav’nly Lord,
That hath made heav’n and earth of naught,
And with his blood mankind hath bought:
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel, Born is the King of Israel!

myriad colors and waves

Have you ever had this feeling, after a thrilling experience, or a mind-altering or potentially life-changing conversation, of the strangeness in this dichotomy of you and the world, how you feel changed but the world around you is the same it was before that experience or conversation ever took place? It was as though you’ve expected for the entire world around you to be different. Expected to have emails flooding your inbox, or to become suddenly inundated with new tasks to accomplish, or to have your cell phone start ringing off the hook, or a violent thunderstorm to arise within seconds outside your window… some torrent to signal the beginning of something great, something that the whole world would be responding to, such change that would reflect what is going on in your soul. And yet, quizzically, so it seems at this moment to you, the rest of the world has continued on quietly. The inbox is empty, the cell phone is silent, and the world is the same it was but a short time ago. You are still here, the same place that is normal and expected and habitual, abiding and waiting, and yet your heart is running, your mind and soul racing, in a tempestuous, elevating excitation. Though the world cannot know the joy in your heart and the uncertainty that mixes it around in myriad colors and waves of intensity, things are different, the eyes you look through see things differently... Though the world has the appearance of being the same and ordinary, just below the surface is swelling something large and indescribable. You begin to feel that the world just might be a different place after all, even with the empty inbox and quiet telephone…

oddity.

you know something in the world is getting screwed up when your dad starts digging russian rap music...

?!?!!?!

to a specific someone named karen

who is also named mouth
who is an inch taller than me
who is more fashionable than me
who somewhat resembles me
who loves the Lord like me
who is a way pickier eater than me
who is much more outgoing than me
who is a better driver than me
who is a good friend to me
who is twenty times funnier than me
who is 3.5 years older than me
and who happens to be related to me...

happy pearl harbor day! i mean... happy birthday!!!
:)

may the adventures continue.

public service announcement

for everyone who has been asking me the same questions for the past 20 months:

what do i want to do with my life? i don't know
what job would i like to have? i don't know
what do you think your calling is? i don't know
do i want to go back to school? maybe
where would i want to go to school? i don't know
what program of study would i pursue? i don't know
when would i want to go back to school? i don't know
would you want to teach? i don't know
would you want to do missions? i don't know
would you want to live abroad? i don't know
would you want to do ______? i just might lose it.
have you thought about ______ ? i've thought about everything. ::cough, cough::
what do you know? not much.

and then the unspoken questions:
what's wrong with what you're doing now? everything.
aren't you just being ungrateful? probably.
what's wrong with you? good question.
why are you acting so pitiful? see answers to all previous questions above.

conclusion: go in peace my inquisitors, and leave me in peace. pray on my behalf if you want. advise if you have something that potentially could be helpful that doesn't involve asking me any of the above referenced questions or derivatives of above referenced questions. meanwhile, i will be praying, mulling, thinking, sleeping, and trying not to have a breakdown, mental or emotional.

end of the public service announcement.

missing the snow.

day 7: snowfall!, originally uploaded by krisde.

missing the snow in Vilnius. Gorgeous.

Cold is mildly unpleasant.
Windy cold is really unpleasant.
But snowy cold rocks.

what I really want...

Egg Nog!!!!

yum! Gotta love the Christmas season...

nightmare.

I had a nightmare two nights ago that I worked at McDonalds. I was the french fry girl, had to fill all the different sized envelopes with fries. Now which is worse: corporate america or McDonalds?? I think I have to go with McDonalds on this one.
1. It's the food industry,
2. It's the fast food industry,
3. The pay would be a lot worse

However life in corporate america at times still seems like a nightmare unto itself... Which may in fact work in me some serious motivation to make an escape plan...

Stay browsed for future posts on Belarus, Advent, phatic communication, community...