i don't know

Isn’t it amazing how sometimes you can think you know someone and then you realize you have been missing a lot of the picture for some time? Or you did know them, but not now… changes have happened without you even being truly aware of them. Well, I find myself thinking about this. Finding this to be true with many people. Myself perhaps included. Sometimes I wonder how much other people know me. Sometimes I feel like groups of friends have put a box around me. I have this strange feeling that I lead different lives around different people- not because I actually have a multiple personality disorder, and not because I put on different personas of my own free will, but because different people bring out different sides to me. (this probably is a good thing)

So as an example: some of my friends in the past identified me as someone with a “hyper laugh” who was pretty goofy a lot of the time, and didn’t really care to make a fool of myself around close friends. Later, around other people I felt more quiet, more reserved, and only did minorly goofy things (like pulling pranks, yeah for good times with my roommate and my HC!). I was more of a behind the scenes, when you least expect it goofy person. Other times, I feel as though I carry the conversation, but when I get around more than 1-3 people, I clam up and then everyone thinks something is wrong with me or I’m in a bad mood because I’m quiet. They say, “you look pensive,” or “are you in a bad mood?” but in reality, I’m only thinking and contemplating and not comfortable talking all the time. Pensive can be good! Another analogy: I went from hating gym class all through school to being one of the more involved female athletes at St. John’s. I remember a friend senior year finding out that in high school I never did sports, and he said his entire idea of me changed.
So can I say anything in conclusion? We think we have one another pegged, but I would venture a guess we don’t really have anyone pegged. I think Lauryn Hill (on her MTV Unplugged 2.0 CDs) put it well when she remarked that we are always changing… because if we don’t grow and change, we’re not alive! So we have to keep re-introducing ourselves to one another. I think she is right. We get snippets about people, we have ideas of someone, but lets not dare put boxes around ourselves or anyone else.

UPDATE! I got a temp job through most of next week, until I go to NC to see my family. Doesn't pay too too great, and it's tedious, but hey, it's something and keeps me from just being lazy around the house for the next 3-5 days. A few leads on apartments but now the choices become: cheap in a not so desirable location (can't walk anywhere), or a little more expensive but the benefits of an indoor pool and in walking distance grocery/theater/restaurants ? hmm... choices choices. Choices used to be: what am I doing Friday? Or Saturday? Should I go to lecture on Friday or not? Should I skip breakfast with the crew team or a shower when practice ran late? Should I finish my paper at 2am or wake up at 6am before class to do it? the choices now: what health insurance plan should I get? What cell phone plan? What apartment complex? What groceries? Which jobs should I apply for? Are my clothes professional enough? The questions of weekend plans don't exactly always factor in. yeehaw.

Ok, SURVEY time!
Q: What is your favorite poem and/or poet?
I eagerly await lots of feedback! I know nothing about poetry! Ok, close to nothing except for Baudelaire and Valery and Dylan Thomas and Wallace Stevens and then again, I probably didn't get them at all! Yayayayayayay!