struck by an older man playing flower delivery boy

when i was working switchboard the other day, an older man came in to the reception area, with a red baseball cap with some logo on it, and a gray worksuit. He was carrying a vase of flowers, delivering them as it was his job, for someone who worked in the building. I just thought, what a wonderful job this man has! he gets to bring joy and smiles to people's otherwise busy and harried lives, especially when at work. It was amazing to see how the flowers, which sat at the switchboard desk for half an hour while i worked, affected people as they entered. the light on their faces almost surprised me. people stopped and made comments like the flowers were a novelty or a newborn baby to be oohed and aahed over. or perhaps they just kept secret tiny hopes that the flowers were for them. but still... this older man (and of course he's short, with white hair, and has a great smile. He really was adorable.) ... he is this bearer of joy and light! I couldn't imagine him ever encountering someone who put him in a bad mood, or who he put in a bad mood. Happiness must accompany his footsteps and heck, he probably can't help but smile. It also struck me because usually you don't see older men and women doing jobs that perhaps seem menial, or are not lucrative. You'd think he'd be retired and sunbathing on some caribbean isle or retirment home in Florida. But instead he works and makes a living by being a delivery boy... for a flower shop.

strange names and strange jobs

so i'm at work. now this is something i can really say would not be fulfilling for a long time! I click 4 different buttons on the computer screen all day long. wow. as i go through this company's returned mail, the names can be amusing. Like Joe Schmoe. Poor guy. Of course, I thought maybe it was a joke when later someone listed as their address and city of residence as 'no junk, no junk mail, USA.' yesterday i had the excitement of working the switchboard- yikes. Let me just say... I don't think I want to ever do that again. little did I know it was the switchboard for 5 companies! One woman called back 5 times on my 1 hour shift because I kept connecting her to people who were not in. Another time I sent someone to the fax machine of another company. whoops. it was stressful. tomorrow is my last day at this temp job, and I can honestly say I still know nothing about the company whose office I am sitting in right now. I even tried researching it and the website was not very helpful. It's amazing what some businesses do, and survive and prosper doing.

on other notes, I am thinking about my generation... and our lack of vision, work ethic, direction, and motivation. Granted this is not everyone, but I feel personally a lack of direction, lack of powerful vision, and I at least have observed lack of work ethic and motivation in many people I'm around. Is it just us? Is it everyone? has our upbringing failed us? has our education failed us? our society? our government? or have we just failed ourselves? I mean, everything like this goes back to the fall, but it was pointed out to me by an older friend that this seems more unique to my generation... so where's the blame? what happened? and more importantly, how the heck do I and my peers find direction and vision? well... I have some thoughts/ideas.... but I welcome yours. to be continued i suppose...

thanks for survey answers! keep them coming if you have one to contribute. and stay tuned for future surveys....

i don't know

Isn’t it amazing how sometimes you can think you know someone and then you realize you have been missing a lot of the picture for some time? Or you did know them, but not now… changes have happened without you even being truly aware of them. Well, I find myself thinking about this. Finding this to be true with many people. Myself perhaps included. Sometimes I wonder how much other people know me. Sometimes I feel like groups of friends have put a box around me. I have this strange feeling that I lead different lives around different people- not because I actually have a multiple personality disorder, and not because I put on different personas of my own free will, but because different people bring out different sides to me. (this probably is a good thing)

So as an example: some of my friends in the past identified me as someone with a “hyper laugh” who was pretty goofy a lot of the time, and didn’t really care to make a fool of myself around close friends. Later, around other people I felt more quiet, more reserved, and only did minorly goofy things (like pulling pranks, yeah for good times with my roommate and my HC!). I was more of a behind the scenes, when you least expect it goofy person. Other times, I feel as though I carry the conversation, but when I get around more than 1-3 people, I clam up and then everyone thinks something is wrong with me or I’m in a bad mood because I’m quiet. They say, “you look pensive,” or “are you in a bad mood?” but in reality, I’m only thinking and contemplating and not comfortable talking all the time. Pensive can be good! Another analogy: I went from hating gym class all through school to being one of the more involved female athletes at St. John’s. I remember a friend senior year finding out that in high school I never did sports, and he said his entire idea of me changed.
So can I say anything in conclusion? We think we have one another pegged, but I would venture a guess we don’t really have anyone pegged. I think Lauryn Hill (on her MTV Unplugged 2.0 CDs) put it well when she remarked that we are always changing… because if we don’t grow and change, we’re not alive! So we have to keep re-introducing ourselves to one another. I think she is right. We get snippets about people, we have ideas of someone, but lets not dare put boxes around ourselves or anyone else.

UPDATE! I got a temp job through most of next week, until I go to NC to see my family. Doesn't pay too too great, and it's tedious, but hey, it's something and keeps me from just being lazy around the house for the next 3-5 days. A few leads on apartments but now the choices become: cheap in a not so desirable location (can't walk anywhere), or a little more expensive but the benefits of an indoor pool and in walking distance grocery/theater/restaurants ? hmm... choices choices. Choices used to be: what am I doing Friday? Or Saturday? Should I go to lecture on Friday or not? Should I skip breakfast with the crew team or a shower when practice ran late? Should I finish my paper at 2am or wake up at 6am before class to do it? the choices now: what health insurance plan should I get? What cell phone plan? What apartment complex? What groceries? Which jobs should I apply for? Are my clothes professional enough? The questions of weekend plans don't exactly always factor in. yeehaw.

Ok, SURVEY time!
Q: What is your favorite poem and/or poet?
I eagerly await lots of feedback! I know nothing about poetry! Ok, close to nothing except for Baudelaire and Valery and Dylan Thomas and Wallace Stevens and then again, I probably didn't get them at all! Yayayayayayay!

randomness rocks!

listening: Sufjan Stevens, The David Crowder Band "Illuminate," Air1, Bebo Norman, Mozart's Requiem
craving: cookie dough
clothing staple: used chocolate colored cords, only $8.00!
wanting: some good uplifting conversation, my dog to sleep for 6 hours straight, some peace of mind, to finish my art projects as I envision them (ha!)
watching: Olympics, Season 1 of Friends
wondering: how are you doing? ;)

Rainy day.

So as it turns out, after a frustrating few days of having my second interview rescheduled 2 or 3 times, the interview was cancelled altogether. Someone else internally took the job that was open. So no free mattress for me, sigh. I’m disappointed- to say the least- but I also know that I just have to continue to pray and hope in God. I feel like I’m back to square one.
This weekend was a mixed bag of experiences. Saturday I babysat, which is a rarity for me. Needless to say, I survived, although I was exhausted by the end of the day. I’m just not good with kids. I can’t see the perspective of raising children being a meaningful and kingdom-impacting vocation. I know it is the toughest job- hence why I recoil at the thought of it happening anytime soon- but I haven’t made the leap to seeing it as an enjoyable job. Guess God has his work cut out for me, haha. So anyway, why am I talking about this??
As for my Johnnie self, I am using my Greek NT at church, and it’s extremely helpful to follow along during Scripture readings. I can tell my memory is getting really refreshed. Maybe I can start bringing my Hebrew OT to church too, but I guess I need to figure out first how to navigate through it with ease. I’m not quite there yet; I’m slow with pronunciation, both aloud and reading silently. I really do miss language study, and the people I studied with (Laura! Anton!)… Plato’s Apology is still waiting for me to finish it….
Sunday we took the puppy dogs to Veterans Park, and we made the discovery that Leo likes to play in the water! This is contrary to Bailey’s disposition, but after our coaxing and Leo’s display of excitement, we got Bailey to cross the stream that Leo was romping around in. He weighs 21 lbs. now, and I can tell that he has definitely grown. I’ll post more photos if I get the chance.
Apartment hunting is slow and discouraging… and barely off the ground. There are not many places in my ideal price range, or in my ideal location. I wanted to be near downtown, or near the UK campus, so that I could walk to some places. Sort of like Annapolis, minus the water, the historicity, and my friends. Ok so not like Annapolis at all. (But at least I could be near a coffeeshop, used bookstore, restaurants, and a park. Better than nothing!) My second choice of location is to be near my church (which is not downtown), so that I could walk to church on Sundays and be close by to visit/help out. There is also a soccer field at my church, so that would be nice to visit during the week. (on a related note: I found a friend who wants to kick around with me. There might be soccer leagues in town, but I probably won’t join or look into it because I don’t have the time to commit to it. So kicking around is good enough for me; besides, it wouldn’t be the same without Mr. P!) There are a few apartment complexes near my church, but again, I’m not sure they are in the price range. Pickings are slim. It surprises me to learn that so many of the locations I’ve looked at are bad areas of town, with frequent break-ins and such. So hopefully I can stay away from all of that.
So I'm not feeling great. A bit stressed and overwhelmed. Definitely strained... and drained... and I'm not even working yet! Yikes. I used to think that talking to people cheered me up. Um, not so much. I don't know why. Oh well. Rain, rain, rainy mood, go away...

Waiting around

so just for an update, my two interviews on Monday went well, and I have a follow-up interview on one of the jobs Friday. So maybe I'll be working next week! On the one hand, this is exciting because I can finally get my own place/have money/etc, but on the other hand, it's a real, full-time, M-F, 9-5, job. I anticipate it will be a big adjustment long term. When it's not over in 3 months as I was used to during summers, it might get tougher for me. We'll see.
random note: I've been made aware that a lot of people are not familiar with blogs. So, if you didn't get to see the photos of Alyosha, you'll have to click on the link that says "Archive" and search for them. They were on the earliest posts. To comment, click on the link under each post that says "comments"- there is often a number if someone has already commented. You can read comments and add comments. Furthermore, check out www.blogger.com - the main site with lots of helpful information, I'm sure.
I just had *more* visitors this week! The LT/Deborah/Josh/Emily caravan of "Whistlin' Dixie 'o4" dropped in for the night on Monday. I initiated a few of them for the first time to the 24-hour Steak N Shake (http://www.steaknshake.com). Yay! Though this has been an eventful month with so many visitors, I'm pretty sure they were the last of the visitors for a long while... I expect to be going it alone for a while. Perhaps I can take a trip to Annapolis this fall...
In other news, I'm waiting around! and waiting... and waiting... and forcing myself to do painful things like shop for work clothes and deal with sorority girls mobbing downtown for rush at UK. I'm even watching TV- shocker!- but I guess the Olympics is a good reason. Yay for crashing at Karen and Chad's to have a TV to watch- and good timing to be there with the Olympics- but yay again that when I move out, I won't need to watch TV ever, ever again!! (slight exaggeration)

Kentuckians are confused; Photography excursion 1

The other day I was driving around Lexington with Jake who was visiting, and after being in this city for a while, I've come to the conclusion that Kentuckians are confused. We are not wholly backward people, we don't go around barefoot all the time, most of us have teeth, and not everyone has a bad redneck accent.... but we are confused. Just take a look at our street signs:
Mt. McKinley Way -- um, we're not Alaska guys
Camelot Dr., King Arthur Ct. -- and we're not in the Middle Ages
Then they place "Nantucket" right next to "Malabu" -- I wasn't aware that Massachusetts and California were next door neighbors.
Then there are the city names:
Versailles (pronounced Ver-SALES) -- we think we're French, but we sure can't speak French
Athens (pronoucned Ay- thens) -- so we're not Greek either...
Louisville (pronounced something like Loo-uh-vulle, but I'm still trying to figure that one out!) -- so apparently we liked King Louis from France, but again, butcher his name.
and then the infamous, "Man O War Blvd" -- yes, we pay tribute to a dead horse. A bigger, more infamous road in Lexington than "Martin Luther King Jr" got.
Anyone have favorite wacky Lexington street names? Maybe we are backwards... at least I'm not a native to this state... ;)

Photographed an old abandoned church overgrown by plants and weeds with busted windows and pews falling apart. (ironically, I shot the photos before going to church this morning) The window ledges were the new lair of spiders, plants had fought their way through cracked windows, the cross over the pulpit was missing the horizontal, and the stained glass windown of Jesus was faded and barely distinguishable. But a poster still hung on the walls proclaiming hope and unity, and a dusty, rotting hymnal lay open to the page about proclaiming the news to the Nations... just a little ironic. It was a good subject to shoot, but all the same, a bit depressing. I don't know the story behind the church, but I sure do wonder.

a little update: I'm progressing on my political science education. Good conversations with Jake and other friends this weekend, and I'm reading the paper when it's around, yipee. I've also been enjoying the Olympics, caught synchronized diving, swimming, and men's gymnastics yesterday.... pretty fun. I completely missed out on the 2000 Olympics in Sydney, couldn't tell you a thing about them, so this is fun for me to watch some of the events this year.
I also have two interviews tomorrow...

Whitesands

Whitesands
Originally uploaded by krisde.

Deborah and I on a sand dune at the White Sands in New Mexico.
Photo by Stuart

Mt. McKinley

Mt. McKinley
Originally uploaded by krisde.

A great shot of Mt. McKinley in Denali Nat'l Park, Alaska.
Photo by Stuart

Kristi the photographer

Kristi the photographer
Originally uploaded by krisde.

Hanging out in Alaska in foggy weather, taking some shots.
Photo by Stuart

Time, just some musings

Kudos to: Lisa for talking to me after she got off work even though it was late and she was tired; Anton for taking the time to call me last night out of the blue and talk; and Jake who is currently on a 36-hour bus ride from Santa Fe, NM to my hometown in KY to see me. (Now that’s sacrifice!) Thanks all, I feel loved! I’ve realized that when people go out of their way for me, and/or just want to connect with me, usually through conversation, I feel most appreciated. It’s as though the person is letting me know, hey, I talk to you because I value your ideas and thoughts, I ask you questions because I am genuinely interested in you and who you are, I want to spend time with you because you are fun or helpful or comforting or intelligent or…. When people take such a direct interest in me, I feel challenged to do the same, to show those I care about that I care about their being, and that they are more important than my own agenda, my own time.

Speaking of which… what, then, is time? ..... This topic began to captivate me a long time ago, and has recently been at the front of my mind due to a conversation with Deborah as we flew to Alaska together, and now due to the sermons I’ve been listening to at church. I reflected after my discussion with Deborah over 2 months ago that we as humans treat time as an inexhaustible resource. We have these colloquial phrases, like “spending time,” or “wasting time.” How can time be spent or wasted, as though it were currency or food? Yet we continue to think of time in terms of using, taking, seizing, and then losing, giving away, spending forever. The moment passes and in passing becomes past, old, no longer new. Can I ever savor time? Perhaps that is what eternity is all about, for time cannot exist (at least in the same state) in eternity. Time for humans is realized only because of death, a loss, a division, a separation, akin to sin. Death was the progeny of sin, per se, and thus time marks off the passing away of things- the death surrounding us. Yet death also abolishes that which has been corrupted (by sin). Time is known to us because of death, and is that which is lost, out of sight, no longer grasped, outrunning our memories and robbing them of the good no longer graspable. I cannot dwell in a moment, grasp it, nor savor it, for the moments are whizzing by and cannot be taken, and even my mind cannot contain them all. This feeling, of the ungraspable nature of time, and thus the impossibility of grasping the good and the true and the lovely moments of life, is but a shadow, a fallen, corrupted version of that was meant to be. Thus, perhaps in eternity, the good and true and lovely, the moments that we often define our lives by, are no longer moments, no longer fleeting, but reside and dwell and hang around to be reflected on, savored, enjoyed a million times over. For then, the good always is and is ever new! For what is new only has meaning by virtue of what is old and has passed, but if the old can no longer be made or come about, the new shall never pass! Truly, the old is gone and the new has then come!

Last Sunday at church, Pastor Roukas was preaching on the Upper Room discourse, from John 13. He reflected on other passages throughout the Gospels in which Jesus continually would say, “My time has not yet come…” It is not until John 12:20-23 and seen again in John 17:1 in which Jesus proclaims, “the time has come.” Paul reflects in Galatians that “in the fullness of time God sent His Son…” This is what I learned from what Pastor Roukas taught on: Jesus was clearly operating under the knowledge that his life was unfolding under the Father’s time table. He was confident that no one could interfere with the time of His Father. He was thus free to be bold, and able to resist pressure. Yet I operate too often on my own time table, and thus my soul will be disturbed because I do not know God’s time table. I may feel the pressure to get a job, or go to grad school, or get married, but these things are all foolish to try and orchestrate according to my own desires and my own timing… I need to wait for the perfect unfolding of God’s timing. Otherwise, yes, my soul will be disturbed, I will find myself downcast and cast down. What a liberating thought, for “My times are in Your hands, O God,” and what a liberating phrase!

And now for a random quote from Chad: “Lite Bright… it’s one big 4-hour post-it note.”

The past 24 hours

yesterday at this time found me shopping (gasp!) for clothes, followed by trekking over to TCPC(www.tcpca.org) for fun/fellowship/learning/hearing about Belarus (I'd love to go someday). I was out pretty late, meeting lots of new, single people (yay for single people!), eating ice cream and blueberry pie, and chatting about China. My puppy was missing me, so I came home... today: my first interview in Lexington! It was actually for a photographer's job... but... I'm not sure it will pay enough. I'm still in consideration... it would be fun at least. I'm fighting off the blues and getting hooked on this singer Paul Wright(www.paulwright.com), esp. his song "You're Beautiful" (just another reason you should check out my links on the sidebar- Air1 for starters).
btw- thanks for all the great links and comments! keep them coming...

just a note on comments

Incase you aren't a blogger user, I have switched the settings so you can post comments anyway ;) Though I recommend being a blogger user, it's fun...

Unlimited Internet! Politics!

So I now have at my disposal unlimited internet! Well... time-wise, but I still have to drive 20 minutes downtown. I am re-acquainting myself with the UK library after a leave of absence for four years. I spent many, many hours here doing research for my Senior AP English/Lit class in High School (thanks, Carla!)... that seems eons ago.
Not much news, except I'm doing research on politics. If anyone has recommendations for good resources so that I can bone up on my political knowledge, please let me know/pass them on. I have to fulfill my obligation to be an informed citizen and voter, thanks to the prodding of my friend Robert Paisley. I used to hate politics. (I'm still working through my dislike for the topic.) Politics has not always been my preferred topic of conversation, probably due to my lack of knowledge and therefore lack of strong, well-formed and developed opinions. So the times have called for a change! The past year I have decided to start reading the newspaper, my first step in becoming political savvy. I think I was inspired by my friend Neal Turnquist. He was a fixture on the St. John's campus my junior year, always sitting on the same bench on the quad near the steps to the coffeeshop, reading the paper every Sunday morning with a cup of a coffee and a cigarette. His presence on the quad could practically be counted on every week; I always knew where to find him if I needed him. After a road trip with him, I decided I needed to start reading the paper. I haven't been reading it consistently due to lack of funds, but thanks to a free subscription to Time magazine, I at least get some news from the articles.
I hope that through adequate research and good conversation from helpful, more informed friends, I can subdue and perhaps even exterminate my distaste for politics. I may always be frustrated by events and leaders and the negative side/sway of politics, but I hope to eventually find myself enjoying the topic for conversation. The result will be forthcoming...

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The tao of gardening

Recently, I have been passing my mornings and early afternoons getting my hands dirty. A wonderful friend (and a former high school teacher of mine) has enlisted my help to clean up her garden. The arrangement is convenient, for it is a way that we can both help one another. I give her my time and energy to do what she is unable to do with two small children to care for, and she pays me so I can eat and drive. But I’ll share a secret: I think I’m getting more out of this deal than she is. I say that because I am the one who gets to dig my hands into dirt and mulch, and disappear among the living, growing, green plants, breathing the fresh air they give off, and finding a feeling of renewal and rejuvenation growing inside of me. I watch as lily pad flowers unfold in the morning sun, and learn the names of beautiful flowers and plants. My favorites that are blooming in her garden right now are the Lord Baltimore Hibiscus and the large, purple Dahlias. It is not uncommon to discover a new flower or plant every day, or at least take notice of a feature or characteristic I had never observed before. Through my toil I suffer many bites from mosquitoes, who unfortunately like me too much to be put off by bug spray, and my arms become scratched and irritated from the thorny branches that graze my skin (people who look at my forearms probably think I mutilate myself, but I only have plants to blame). I gladly take these wounds of the toil, the sweat, and the fatigue brought on by the sun and humidity. Why? The answer is simply that I have come to love gardening over the past 8 years. I love to work with my hands, cultivate and create something beautiful. My friend’s garden is an already breath-taking space, but knowing that I have helped to keep it so, or perhaps improved upon its beauty, brings me joy and satisfaction. Working and bending and kneeling and digging and breathing in the midst of this living work of art- the garden- I find myself more peaceful even with the burdens that weigh on my mind and heart, the questions and struggles I face in this new landscape in my life. Songs have sometimes descended upon my tongue and voice and kept me company (not to mention the company of one little, eager black dog and one enormous, fluffy white dog who share the garden space with me). I’m grateful for this time, even if it occasionally tires me out too much or infringes on my time for job searching (still struggling with that, I must say).
Other noteworthy things: enjoyed a good Sunday-Sabbath, with a nice visit from Jackson and David Ferrell! Yay for visitors!