and so I found myself in Annapolis once again. It was a tiring weekend, but worth it to celebrate at Rhonda's wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony. I appreciated the focus on God as opposed to simply the bride and groom. Not to mention, they had swing dancing at the reception ;)
My car is pretty disgusting looking. I had to drive 4 hours or more with constant snowfall. It was a long drive home... and now I have to hang in here for 4 days before getting a 4 day Christmas vacation. ... ... ... which also means: more updates on my blog! yeehaw. I think I would become a college professor just so I could have the college schedule: breaks between classes during the day, long Christmas vacation, spring breaks, not to mention summer... ... ...
talked about the sense of futility one can have towards life with friends in Annapolis. I think it is important for me to remember Solomon's words- that everything is actually meaningless under the sun, but to remember all the more that "everything under the sun" is not everything in existence... for everything beyond and above and greater than this sun and this earth and this world would be God Himself, the Divine plan and Heavenly hope, and this is not meaningless. I have been feeling a sense of meaninglessness lately at my job. That feeling that your soul is being pounded to numbness, feeling lost and without hope. This is not a good place to remain long. It is good to remember that though things seem futile or meaningless, God can redeem all this and change these feelings to those of hope. hmm. Makes me think about the first time I held a gun in my hand and learned to fire it. Terror: the feeling that I could take someone's life, or someone could take mine, but someone who would have no right to do so. Only laws and "conscience" restrains such. But along with this terror, the thought that no one has a right to take my life, whereas, what if one had the right? What if there was no veil of "conscience" or law to stay one's hand? That being shot was merited by another? A heightened fear, and awe that if this were the case, why am I alive? It would have to be due to sheer mercy if I deserved to die and yet lived on, as I do now. Then the thought: God has every right to take my life. I do deserve to die. So does God point a gun at me perpetually? Threatening me with death at every second? No... instead, I feel His mercy all the more, His mercy that fills me with awe, for though I deserve to die, His mercy triumphs over His judgment. I have been given grace! Grace is not meaningless, and living to share this Grace is not meaningless either...
(Rhonda's marriage would be without hope without God. But God gives her and Jared meaning for their life together, and hope in Him. His Grace will be with them. What great meaning!)
by love.
Monday, December 20, 2004
another road trip.
Posted by Kristi at 8:07 AM
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2 comments:
Heya Kristi. Thanks again for all your thoughts. They made me think, too. Although I know it's true, I don't like to think about the fact that I deserve to die: kind of an "Okay, God, we've been over this before, can we please move on to the fun stuff now?" thing. I started asking whether I deserve to die, or whether I deserve not to exist--which one is worse? Because, although I don't like to think about it, whichever one is worse is probably the one I deserve.
Anyway, thinking about this stuff triggered a series of thoughts about believing what you want, believing things that make you uncomfortable, believing things that make you miserable, and they mixed in with things that've been bothering me lately, so that I ended up with a mostly frusty day. But you know, I appreciate your thoughts anyway, because they led me to a good conclusion that I think was well worth my whole crummy yesterday.
And that would be Jesus Christ. I mean, right there you have God's mercy triumphing not over His judgment, but actually through His judgment. I don't like thinking about being undeserving, and maybe that's one of the ideas you never outgrow--maybe it's not--but you never outgrow Christ. It's not like He's done His thing on the cross, and He saves you from your sins and that's it. You need the whole Trinity, Elohim Himselves. And if you'll pardon the pun, you need the concreteness of Christ. And I like that, because I like Jesus. When I'm angry at God, He's my righteous advocate with the Father. He's God's definitive demonstration in space-time of how much He loves us. He's got guts. Not to mention flesh and blood.
I'm sorry to hear that work's been depressing you. Remember that Jesus lived in a body under the sun, too, and the fact that the Word took on flesh was anything but meaningless. He had flesh and blood made out of matter just like us, and He carried a cross made out of matter, and He made all that matter matter. He injected meaning into it, demonstrated God's love for all us people who deserve to die, and He gave us all an example of how to live our lives. At work, you can demonstrate God's love and be a meaning injector too, by following Christ. I hope you find the thought encouraging.
Thanks for inadvertently turning my attention to Him. Hope you have a good Christmas an' stuff.
And the Dave said:
Yeah, Solomon was right. Living in a fallen world, there is nothing worthwhile, except for Christ. And no matter how crappy and worthless anything in this world seems, Christ can (and will) make it worth more than it could ever be in and of itself.
Give us a call sometime. Hopefully this snow will clear out eventually and we can see you before we head back (it's pretty nasty here. Spun out 3 times this morning. I think I'm gonna stay indoors for a while).
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