my halloween

last night I celebrated halloween with friends. I wore a bright yellow t-shirt and an orange scarf. Autumn colors was the theme because people really can't afford costumes and such. I helped to host 15 people or so at my place. I made chili, honey/caramel popcorn balls, and chocolate chip cupcakes with icing - all from scratch.

I also made a jack o lantern.

It was the shizzle.

I also learned Belarussians really don't like pumpkin. But they have never had pumpkin pie American style: from the can... ;) How I would love to have a pumpkin pie ... oh my, what I wouldn't give!

mistakes

there is a song lyric I heard today that struck me: "I mistake happiness for blessing..."

How true this sounds. How often I am desiring my own personal happiness, rather than blessedness. How often I too make the mistake of equating happiness with blessing. Therefore, if I am not feeling happy, then I feel that God is not blessing me or perhaps abandoned me or forgotten about me... and for some, I can understand why this mentality would lead to a simple disbelief in God. But happiness is not blessing. And blessing does not always come in the package of happiness. Rather, blessing is for those poor in spirit, those who mourn, the meek, anyone hungry or thirsty for righteousness, the merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers, and those persecuted... so sometimes, blessing brings happiness. But it also sometimes brings trials, and yes, even suffering or sadness...

I just want to confess my own desire for happiness at the expense of what my heavenly Father wants to do in and through me... I confess I confuse these two, and too often become self centered, wanting whatever it is I want before concerning myself with what my faithful and loving King wants... and when I am happy, ecstatically happy, this is not an evil... but it also is not confirmation that God is blessing me. I cannot boast in possessing His blessing by virtue of my happiness... He gives and takes His blessing as He wills, and everyone's journey is not always smooth or easy... and the rough spots, when happiness flies away from our hearts for our time, may also be blessing. I cannot see with me eyes what my God sees. Help me Lord to see as you see, and to be humble in your blessing, and also humble in happiness.

enflamed sky

I was riding a very crowded bus home today at about 5:45pm and for the first time in several weeks saw a sky enflamed at sunset with the colors of pink and red and yellow and a little purple. It was beautiful. Recently the skies have remained overcast, so seeing the sun, and much less a colorful sunset, is now a rarity. But I really needed to see a breathtaking view like that. Stirring my soul to sing praises.

More cultural odditites. Round 2.
-People walk around at all times of the day with open bottles of beer. Since this is illegal in the states, I find this very strange and disconcerting at times. But it also has opened my eyes to how much of a problem there is here with alcoholism. I was with a guy friend and a girl friend last night at around 11pm. We were waiting in the chilly night air for a bus. A young couple walked up. Both were tipsy. The guy was still holding an open bottle and taking swigs. The guy at one point tried to chase down a bus driving away. This is pretty, uh, normal(?). But the worst part was they had their kid with them. Their little boy was dressed in warm clothes and looked normal, or at least, taken decent care of. But for a three or four year old to be walking around with his tipsy parents at 11pm in a big city is really disturbing to me.
-Sales clerks expect you to have correct change. And if you don't, you can expect a loud sigh or look of disgust... and here I am thinking, you're a salesclerk... your JOB is to COUNT CHANGE. really now. But this is the way here. You better have bills of all denominations if you want to keep peace with the check out ladies at the grocery. Also, some grocery/food/candy stores require you to order from one counter (usually by pointing at the product you want on display), then go pay at a second counter across the room (by memorizing the amount they tell you verbally that you owe and/or the weight of your purchase...in Russian of course), and then you must return to the first counter - or sometimes go to a third counter - to pick up your purchase, with your receipt in hand. This is a terribly inefficient system. The only benefit I can see is 1. it provides another job for the lady handling the cash and 2. it prevents petty thievery. Needless to say, I avoid such stores like the plague.
-Oh yea, and I'm still being stared at... sometimes not only for looking like a foreigner, and not just for talking in English a lot, but also for being a clumsy foreigner... .... ...... I fell in the metro yesterday, and last week my hood to my coat got caught in the closed metro doors, immobilizing me from movement until the metro reached the next stop and the doors opened again.... living abroad is a humbling experience.

on another note... I've met the ambassador. And I went to an embassy worker's house. The apartment was like walking into America, and into the pottery barn catalog. The nicest furnitures, appliances, decorations, and of course, American food. Oh my. What an interesting life. Nothing like my new digs, which I hope to move into November 1st. In my new place, the washing machine takes up residence next to the stove, the laundry hangs in the corridor leading to the kitchen or on a chilly balcony, a freezer sits in the living room next to a dusty and old piano - a beast that looks fearsome to even try and play - and dark brown and green rugs are located ... on the walls... :)