reminiscing

so I got my haircut for the first time in a long time. A co-worker
remarked to me, "I really like it Kristi, you look like you could be
20 instead of 16."

I was at small group last night and the hosts' 5 year old son was
going around saying different words that began with the letter 'P.' He
said 'Ponanza!' over and over again because he mixes up his 'P's and
'B's and meant to be saying 'Bonanza!'

There has been a lot of snow here in KY... my car had fun fish tailing
around my sister's neighborhood at every stop sign. But I still think
it is as cold inside my work building as it is outside. (I really
dislike the word 'office'... because I don't like offices) A friend
recommended I look into being a trucker. I mean, the travel/lifestyle
on the road fits my crazy experiences, but me, a truck driver? Hmm...
not so sure about that. I can't even drive stick shifts. Lets see,
what careers have people recommended for me now? Photographer,
writer, mathematician, pediatrician, 2nd grade teacher, midwife,
travel agent, high school teacher, campus minister, truck driver.
What the...?!?
But I'm thinking I'd be a great rockstar...
Who needs mid-life to have a crisis??!

there are girl scout cookies for sale this time of year in KY... I
couldn't resist. I remember being a girl scout and standing in
supermarkets to sell cookies. Those were the days... .. . I think
one of the main reasons they sell so well is because they are only
available one time of the year, so you pine all year long for them.
Secondly, because cute little girls in uniforms are selling them, I
mean, who can resist that??

and last but not least: Go Eagles! (any Philadelphia fans out there?)

today I feel like floating.

hello.
that last post had way too many comments, esp. considering the topic,
so I have to post something to move on. ;) not that i mind, in fact,
i enjoy all the posts. kudos to Karen and Jackson and Dwight- fellow
reliable commentors! (or: commentators, hmm?)
I was thinking about how living in Lexington this time around is
nothing like it used to be. I mean, I could be in some completely
foreign and new city, seeing as how everything is different. I don't
even go to the same places I went when I lived here before. The only
thing that remained the same from high school was my church. that's
about it. even it is different- not the same people, even the
building is getting an upgrade. it is pretty exciting.
today, job brought many stresses. there was this good stress back in
my days of technical theater, of having people- or an entire show-
depend in some or in large part on me. But this was a positive
stress. It wasn't the end of the world if everything wasn't smooth-
the show went on. But the rewards of getting things right were
immensely gratifying, to see others perform on stage and an entire
audience the glad recepient of the hard work paid off in being drawn
into the drama. But at my job it has been a different stress. The
payoff for me for getting something done for someone after they spent
20 minutes yelling at me and ordering me around - or so it feels- is
not gratifying. For me, and I would venture, neither for them. Sigh.
My co worker remarked to one person on the phone, 'you catch more
flies with honey than vinegar' - no kidding. unfortunately, people
don't always listen to such advice. sigh again.
but it's Thursday, so a good day. looking forward to floating on
home. .. ... ....

a lesson learned

so i learned a lesson the hard way.
i have been trying to "live simply" and be frugal - after all, i am
trying to save up for grad school someday. but a couple weeks ago, i
was just really craving ice cream. ice cream, i must say, is a
luxury. but i thought, what the heck, it just sounds so good. but
being the frugal person that i am, i wasn't going to buy the most
expensive brand, so what did i do? yes, i bought a half gallon of
cheap ****** brand (to protect the innocent ;) vanilla ice cream.
last week I had my first serving- my first indulgence- into the ice
cream. i had chocolate syrup all ready to pour all over it, cookie
dough to go along with it... and what do I find? ... this cheap ice
cream was no ice cream. at least not what i call ice cream. oh, if
only i had gotten ben and jerry's (or at least something close to
equivalent!) ... but, alas!, i am stuck with a half gallon of nasty
imitation vanilla ice cream... it dreams of being something better,
but that something it never will be. (some of you are probably
laughing now at how my frugality has backfired!) so a lesson hard
learned- don't buy cheap ice cream. Some things you just can't
compromise on. ... ... ...

quotation...

"Yet he perceived with despondancy that, taken all around, he was a
man of too many passions to make a good clergyman; the utmost he could
hope for was that in a life of constant internal warfare between flesh
and spirit the former might not always be victorious" - Jude thinking
to himself, from "Jude the Obscure"

rainy day continues

On a rainy day, I feel like I could
Change the world
And somehow I know it's all gonna be alright
On a rainy day
Love, it keeps us hanging on
Even when all hope is gone I believe
That Your love rains down on me
And faith, it carries us away
And takes us to a place
Far above this world
I can see you in the clouds
On a rainy day

On a rainy day
I feel like I'm in tune
And I can clearly see
How much I have to lose
On a rainy day
I feel like I'm free
'Cause I know You did it all to rescue me
On a rainy day…

Even though you're far away
I know you're raining down on me
-"Rainy Day" by Big Dismal

on a rainy day

On a rainy day... thinking of a song but then my knowledge of the lyrics ends right there.

So Auburn won, war eagle! ;) Ah, but too bad all the same.

And as of Tuesday, I am an official employee of Tower Hill Insurance Group. I'm sure everyone must be thrilled, as much as I am.... (cough, cough). Benefits, a raise, paid vacation... that's not so bad I guess. But then there's the difficulty of the job itself... ha.

Finding the connection between strength and contentment. I have not felt very content, and this has been coupled with an awareness of my weakness as a human being, weakness and susceptibility to torrents of ever changing emotion and thought, where no rock is found. I do not have the strength to find contentment. For to will it in my mind would make the contentment meaningless. But to seek it in a stronghold - a Rock that is tried and True - contentment may be possible and become truth for me. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I used to meditate on this for crew, having to give all my strength and power and sweat and leave it on the water, legs and arms and stomach shaking for sheer muscle tension and exertion. This encouraged me, to find strength, physical power, by looking to Christ. And yet... it was the thoughts and will and inner strength that Christ truly gave me. Not so much increased muscle mass (thought I suppose possible all the same)... so I am finding out how to find such strength to be strong and feel and perceive less discontent and lack of energy about everything. The how is still a question, but the what- the who- is at least crystal clear.